Monday, April 7, 2008

Cougar Tale

My good friend Lucia had a date on Saturday night.  With a younger man.  It wasn't exactly a blind date, but she doesn't know this fellow very well, so it could be considered a blind date for my purposes here.  But I do digress.

Anyway, he shows up at the appointed time and she asks him in for a drink before they head out to dinner-- a way to break the ice.  She notes immediately that he has taken great pains to coif his hair.  A hairdo, if you will.  Kinda like Donald Trump.  Lucia's ex-husband had his hair done at a beauty parlor on their wedding day.  Anyway, she pours ol' Donald a glass of red wine, and they chitchat for a bit.  But he soon informs her that he is starving, so they must get to dinner immediately as he is on a strict feeding schedule.  He has had, maybe, a half-sip of his wine. 

When they are seated at the restaurant, Donald informs her that he is 38.  Lucia, a woman of a certain age--a beautiful woman, and a personal trainer with a body to match her career, informs him that she could be his mother. 

The evening progresses and Donald just yaps away: his beautiful wife (whom he wistfully compares to a "built" Pam Anderson) left him for a younger man, and Donald was left to reorganize his life.  He lists for Lucia, in minute detail, his caloric intake for the week, and painstakingly describes each exercise he performs.  As a result of all this fastidious care, Donald is very muscular, and I must add, not unattractive.  (How do I know this?  I just so happened to be at that particular restaurant....)  Hard boiled egg whites, oatmeal and boiled chicken.  That's pretty much what he eats.  Every day. When Lucia ordered an appetizer portion of wild mushroom ravioli, as her dinner, he almost fell over.  "You eat pasta?!?!" 

Oh, and another thing:  HE HAS HAD A HAIR TRANSPLANT AND HE TOLD HER ALL ABOUT IT.  AT DINNER.  They took it from his back, and he had to have stitches because so much was needed.  Way too much information, I know, but this is the truth folks.  He's thinking about doing it again, too.  Now, I saw this man, and I am all for hair transplants, or whatever anyone wants to do that makes them happy, but I really don't know where on his head he will possibly fit another big old swath of his lustrous back-hair.  I'm just saying.

Now on to my point of this little tale:  I have been bouncing around different types of blogs lately, and I absolutely love to read all the various perspectives.  What has been catching my attention of late in younger bloggers is the frequent use of the word "cougar" to describe a woman over the age of, say, 35.  And what really stands out is that these women are rarely portrayed in a positive light.  I would also like to add that most of the young authors of these posts have neither a real command of their language, nor the correct spelling of the most basic words.  You know the ones.  Every once in a while I comment, correct their spelling and grammar, and sign myself as "cougar mama."  I'm just so helpful like that.  And a little cranky. It's that whole estrogen thing.

So there, my friends, is the story of a cougar and her younger date, the ex-husband of a "built" Pam Anderson.  Just be thankful I didn't tell you about all the pictures he showed her of his truck.  I am not kidding. Oh, and he allowed himself one more sip of wine at dinner, but didn't want to have the whole glass because of the calorie content.  I think Donald might still be available.

19 comments:

Ash said...

OMG! Your poor friend! What a catch he will be....
I have never heard of the term "cougar", but good to know what it refers to! Cute post!

Asthmagirl said...

It is tales like this that make me oh so grateful that TOG will still have me. And we will not talk of TOG's backhair. Oh, all right, we will. Happily it remains right where it is supposed to be. And we do not discuss it over dinner.

(shudder)

Don Mills Diva said...

OMG that is hilarious. Mostly because it wasn't me on that horrible date. I hope your poor friend has a good sense of humour!

Christine said...

I've never heard that term either. Maybe it is becuase I'm over 35?

What a date your friend had! I hated dating and that's why I am soooo glad I am happily married. LOL

Treasia said...

No wonder Mr. Donald is still available. I think he shared a little TMI on his first date.

I had never heard the word "cougar" used this way before a few weeks ago. Someone had to explain to me what they meant. I am 46 and hubby is 40. Gee does this make me a cougar? hahha

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

Reckon I am a "cougar" then and I caught my prey my hubby is 11 years younger than I am. But this ole cougar out dances, talks and adventures her younger hubby but bless his heart he tries to keep up


Back hair on the head...eeewwwww imagine how thick and long that back hair has to be...I can see why his "Pam" moved on..she may have been a Pam but obviously he didn't have the stuff to hold on to a Pam!
Hope your friend finds a gentleman that knows her true worth and beauty as a fabulous woman!

Country Girl said...

It's a good story! What fun. And what an a**.

It's really difficult for me sometimes when I see so many people making grammitcal errors. And you correct them?!! My, you are the brazen one, MP!! But the cougar thing is pissing me off . . .

Mary said...

OMG, funny, funny story! I guess the lesson here is that no matter what you perceive yourself to be, other's perceptions are always different. And frequently not flattering! Back hair? Yikes!
xoxo,
Mary

Leighanne said...

This guy needs to run to the nearest psychologist office. He has ISSUES! I've heard the term cougar for a few years and I love it. Men have been preying on younger women since the beginning of time. It's our turn. Just think Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. If that's a cougar, sign me up.

Flea said...

Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me! And your friend was laughing hysterically the entire time? Guys like that just begged to be laughed at. Maybe she can break into convulsive laughter when he calls to set up another date. Then hang up. :)

donald anderson-cooper said...

i am donald
i am seriously offended

Mental P Mama said...

lol-- donald anderson cooper! Nice try!

noble pig said...

Holy crapellini...I can't even imagine..so he's got issues! What a date, thank gawd you have a blog to tell the world about it.

Debbie in NC said...

Oh my, maybe I won't venture out into the dating world after all LOL

Cougar over 35? What does that make me over 50?

Funny post!

Meg said...

Oh.My.Gawd. What an @$$!
There are great men out there that LOVE Cougars...by the way. The back hair thing...eeeeeeeew!

Lori said...

Holy cow! What a nightmare date!
Love your sense of humor, though and hopefully your sweet friend has one, too. (must have if she had enough patience to sit through the entire date with this chump)
Anyway, found you through Flea's place. Thought I'd check you out.
On the Mental Pause note, have you heard of Chondra Pierce? Google her. She is a Christian comedian who loves to talk about that special time of life. You'll giggle at the very least!

Anonymous said...

Hey!! There are a lot of fantastic lookin' Cougars out there. I think the name "Cougar" is cool and many of the actual Cougars probably are too !!

Dapoppins said...

I don't know how I found your blog, but hey, glad I did. Your friend provides you with hilarious blogging material...I honestly thought men like this were just the bad date like in the movies!

Tia Martin said...

I think he needed to get laid..