Thursday, January 1, 2009

A Visit With a Doctor

Scene: Endocrinologist's sunny office. Skinny little doctor (SLD) in his chair. Fat Plump ol' Mental P Mama (MPM) across his stupid dumb idiotic desk.

SLD: Well, I have to tell you that your thyroid numbers are not so bad after all.
MPM: So, I'm not getting a little pill to make this 40 pounds go away? And the nodules?
SLD: You know, most women your age have these nodules on their thyroids. It is meaningless.
MPM: So, I'm not getting a little pill to make this 40 pounds go away?
SLD: You may want to pay attention to your portion sizes at mealtime.
MPM: So, I'm not getting a little pill to make this 40 pounds go away?
SLD: Do you drink alcohol?
MPM: A little....
SLD: You have to start taking better care of yourself when you reach this age.
MPM: So, really, there is no pill?
SLD: Nope.
MPM: So, I am not getting a little pill. Or anything?

43 comments:

TSannie said...

My name is TSannie, and I approve this blog post!

LMAO!

Living on the Spit said...

I think we need a second opinion...

Please tell, did he have any sense of humor at all?

Psychiatrists LOVE to give out nice little pills like that, but I have just heard this information. I have NO knowledge whether its true or not...really, I don't.

Marlene

Bear Naked said...

I am taking that little pill and it hasn't helped to get rid of MY twenty five extra pounds.
I guess just dusting off the exercise bike isn't helping either.

Bear((( )))

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

MPM - I have a doctor for you, down here in Mathews. He'll set you right up. He also happens to be single/recently divorced if you have any friends interested.

I'll be sure he's in the line-up for the Blogapalooza fest.

(p.s. Do seek a second opinion on something as serious and volatile as the thyroid . Often it takes multiple tests to prove or disprove anything.)

Lastly, Skinny Little Doctor doesn't realize the medicinal qualities of wine that have been proven through the centuries by the likes of Thomas Jefferson and other geniuses, who would rather have had wine than water. SLD probably also never eats cheese and runs 45 miles a day, but very likely has no real enjoyment in life whatsoever.

This is just a theory, not a projection or a hope or an excuse for behavior. No, it isn't.

Deb said...

What does SLD know anyway? He just "practices" medicine.

Sassy said...

Seriously....what does he know???? Well ya know weight watchers has that new momentum program and sign ups are free right now you may have to go back and check it out since that stingy ol' skinny dr. wouldn't give you a little pill to dissolve those pounds...what is happening with the oil?

brneyedgal967 said...

"Skinny little doctor (SLD) in his chair."

Operative word: HIS

Find a HER doctor. A plump, menopausal one. She'll give you the pill.

msdewberry said...

I asked those same questions of my doctor and he said the same thing. I think its a conspiracy, maybe it was something they were taught in med school to reply when asked about "the pill to take off 40 pounds"

Egghead said...

Isn't it hellish to age? I am still hoping for that "pill".

kim-d said...

SLD was lucky. It could have very easily turned really ugly, unless he's used to menopausal patients reaching across his stupid desk and grabbing him by the throat. Pompous ass. :)

Starwoodgal said...

Well - sluggish thyroids run in my family. My Mom takes that little pill, no weight lost. I take that little pill, no weight lost. The only, Only, ONLY way I can shed any weight........... serious low carb diet, tons of water, and (damn it) exercise. I hate sweating, so this is a real problem for me.

I'm starting the low carb thing this weekend. (I lost 80 pounds doing this in 1999). I need to take off about 40 this time. ARG! More sweating...... damn it.

asthmagirl said...

I'm sorry MPM. I hate it when Drs recommend things like smaller portions and more exercise. Sometimes I wonder if it's a cop out... The twenty five pounds that pitched a tent on my behind only showed up following a mega mega dose of steroids. And all the smaller portions and exercise I've indulged in haven't had a bit of impact. Which makes me ponder how I'll ever get it off there...

So I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss. I would totally seek a second opinion if you feel the weight has a medical origin.

Keetha said...

I'm with you - it should be easier.

Debra (a/k/a Doris, Mimi) said...

Arghhh! What happened to the days when plump women were a sign of beauty and prosperity? What happened to the Rubenesque era? In another time, I would be considered quite stunning. Instead, I am living in a time when being a size 4 is fat. This is so wrong! I went to a female doctor who wrote a prescription for thyroid medication. I had complained of weight gain and fatigue and she wrote a prescription without batting an eye. Doughboy encouraged me to get a 2nd opinion so I went to a male doctor - SLD. He tested my thyroid and proclaimed it healthy. Bye bye prescription. Even when I argued about my weight gain, he smiled rather smug and steepled his fingers together. I felt 9 years old again as he admonished me for my lack of exercise, eating more than my body required to live, and unhealthy food choices. Blah blah blah...I lost track of what he was saying as I imagined his little neck in the grip of my plump fingers. I'm not overweight...I'm Rubenesque.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Stupid SLD! You should have slapped him and then started crying. He would have given you the pill!

okiesister said...

Too funny. Thanks for the laugh.

Debbie said...

Give me that SLD's name. I'll go straighten him out. MPM will get her pill. Who in the hell does he think he is? Damn dip shit!

I agree. Find a HER. And then tell us where we can go get that little pill. I want one too.

Ellen said...

When I get my hands on that elusive little pill, I'll be sure to share.

The Glamorous Life said...

I have been right there. I was SO SURE it wasn't ME that made me fat...it was some disease or thyroid or SOMETHING. Turns out I was wrong. And that pissed me off.

I lost the 40lbs. And now back up 10...so back to work at it again.

And every minute. SUCKS

My Metabolic Rate is Stuck said...

Thanks so much for the laugh~! the SLD could have been a little more sympathic, he could have even recommended a diet plan...not a very good SLD. I am trying to quit smoking! And actually have gone from 30+ cigs a day to 3-5 cigs a day...but the price was the 12 extra lbs.I put on, that I can't even blame on the Holidays! But that 12 lbs + the already EXTRA 20 leads me to believe I need more than pills.

Lisa said...

DARN IT!!! I was going to make my appointment next week to get that great little pill. hummmp portion control??? What school did he go to and got HIS degree?

Flea said...

Bwahaha! The little pill doesn't make 40 pounds go away. Maybe five pounds, then your body adjusts to the change in metabolism. Sorry.

Big Hair Envy said...

Darn! I guess I really DO have to watch what I eat and exercise. Are we being punished for being in our forties???

Daryl said...

Okay.. about 10 yrs ago I too went to the doctor to say 'I think my thyroid isnt working properly'. After blood work and an exam he said 'you need some thyroid meds' .. I said YES! Now I get this extra weight off .. He said .. 'NO, its very low dose and in order to get weight off you must limit portions and drink less alcohol'

Doctors are just lacking senses of humor.

:-Daryl

Flash Stitcher said...

LMAO, coffee on the key board.
SLD is "skinny", "Little" and a "Doctor". I do not trust skinny or little....Dr however, well, I would have to think on that!
When you get the second opinion where you get the little pill that helps with the 40 lbs, let me know so I can check and see if that MD is on my plan!

tj said...

...I went thru that with my skinny lil' bald tiny footed doctor when we were going thru a marital rough patch. He was running me thru the gamut of antidepressants and I would ask him in all sincerity, "isn't there such a thing as a "happy" pill?" and without missing a beat he would reply, "yeah, it's illegal!"...lol

...I have Hypothyroidism and have to take Synthroid daily to treat it. Before my diagnosis I did have weight gain, extreme fatigue, cold sensitivity, etc...if you have any of those symptoms then I would really get a 2nd opinion MPM... :o)

...Happy Friday! Blessings all...

Sara said...

Aww sweetie...I told you about my visit to the GYN and her answer to my question..."am I just gonna keep getting fatter?" There is no magic pill! Boo. Hiss. We either have to literally work out asses off or learn to love the new improved version of ourselves...argh.

imom said...

Every time I go for a physical they run all the tests... I'm sure they think a heavy girl like me must have a bad thyroid or type 2 diabetes or high cholesterol. In fact I'm very healthy, just heavy. All I need to do is eat less and exercise more. *sigh*. It sounds so easy when written out like that!

Susiewearsthepants said...

SLD definitely cannot appreciate a fine sense of humor such as yours, oh well, maybe they give them out in med school. Sorry you didn't get the little pill. Maybe a second opinion in the near future? Never hurts to get one.

phd in yogurtry said...

I did get that very pill two years ago .. and not a single, freaking pound came off. The upward trend and the fighting-a-losing-battle trend continues. I was so bummed when I figured out my appetite for late night snacks didn't miraculously go away, that I bought chocolate. Lots of chocolate.

bernthis said...

I'm laughing at your post one, because it's hilarious and two, just today I too wrote about a "Dr" experience. If only a pill solved everything. Happy New Year

Chere said...

I have those little pills and they do not help with the 40 lbs.
My husband has promised an unreal trip if I lose 40 lbs.

My heart doctor said the reason I am out of breath is: I have never been 51 or weighed 1@# before. So I said you mean I need to lose weight and exercise? Yep, you got it.

I hate diets and exercise! I watch Jane Fonda all the time and she has not done one thing for me. Boo!

Good Luck

Magpie said...

But that there were...

Country Girl said...

I have decided to love myself for who I am.
I yam what I yam.

Joanie said...

Ah, I want a pill...

noble pig said...

OMG I just felt up my neck for nodules and had my husband do the same. He won't perscribe me a pill either. Doctor's are stingy.

Suz Broughton said...

"Women your age" them there are fighting words! I hate it when Drs say that. I say it about myself sometimes now--I know!

Snooty Primadona said...

OMG! I laughed so hard at this post. Reminiscent of my own crazy conversations with my doctor. As in, "How many drinks do you have per day?"

"I'm a big girl, Doc." I replied.

"How many drinks do you have per day?"

"Two" I lied.

"That's two too many" the Doc said.

"So, I'll quit for a month and grow a new liver" said I.

"Sigh" said he.

herMomsometimes said...

Okay, I must be confused, as usual.

Now is this little pill for thyroid or hormones? I know for thyroid it takes 7 different test to find out if your thyroid is out of whack. For hormones it takes one simple blood test. It took me 2 years to finally get my doctor to give me that test. I did tell him that I hoped when his wife goes through the change that she becomes the biggest bitch that ever walked this earth. Then he might begin to listen to his women patients sooner. He gave me the test the day I said that. Ya know ya just have to get their attention. Other than grabbing him by the balls to get him to listen putting a curse on his wife worked.

SCREAMING FOR CHOCOLATE said...

The bastard. I keep hoping they will tell me it is my thyroids and the magic meds will make it all drop off... but no...hell no....

Coco

Hilary said...

How about a half dose? I only need to lose 20 lbs. Too funny and what Living on the Spit said.. get that 2nd opinion. Thanks for the laughs. :)

Kim in Carlsbad said...

Will that little pill help me to become nice again, I remeber a time when I was nice and I didn't holler so very much.

~ Straight Shooter ~ said...

Wiping Diet Coke off screen...thanks.