Monday, March 23, 2009

Undone

It all started with a drinking dinner out with my best girls.
Annie, Jules and I were having a simply lovely evening.
All was well in the land of chardonnay and laughter.
And then it happened.
A twitch.  An itch. 
Estrogen levels began to plummet.
Frothing and writhing ensued.
Me, not them.
Before I knew it, my neck was being lacerated.
There was a tag in my shirt.
How'd that get there?
ZOMG the agony of it all.
The clawing was fierce.
I think I caught a glimpse of their horrified faces...
In between the weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Mine.  Not theirs.
Annie and Jules were apoplectic....
(And that, my friends, could be a first.)
All they could do was sip and stare.
But I digress.
They were afraid and cried out:
"Mental P!  Your shirt! It's tearing!"
And I was all, "shirt?"
"I don't need no stinkin' shirt." 
And with that, the offending article was extricated with a flourish.
And all was right in the world.
Then, if memory serves, we ordered another round.

Amen.

36 comments:

Meg said...

IOL!!!!!!!!!!!! (implode out loud)!

Meg

Sassy said...

OH MY STINKIN' STARS!!!!! That is hilarious! I say you might as well go for the kill if it bugs....too funny!

Suz Broughton said...

You are so awesome! You! not me...

Grandma J said...

That is so funny! I tear tags out of everything...especially nightgowns and bras.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Hilarious!

Good thing it wasn't a tag on your britches.

Note: The label ripping works the same way when it's on your daughter's favorite shirt. The difference is she'll be upset about it (it=ruined shirt due to excessive ripping). I know these things.

Sally's World said...

Really funny...love the blog, i'll be back to read more, thanks for making me laugh today!

Living on the Spit said...

Oh My....I have never understood the whole tags in shirts thing. They are the first thing to go.

TSannie said...

TMI, girlfriend, TMI!!

But it WAS funny...in an apoplectic kind of way...

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Those tags will bring out the best in us for sure!

kim-d said...

Mama's got to do what Mama's got to do; I TOTALLY understand!

Kacey said...

I. Hate. Tags.

imom said...

What about those tags they put on the side of the shirt, right at the waist! Drives. Me. Crazy!

asthmagirl said...

Not a fan of the shirt tags. But I've never ripped a shirt off in public to remove one! More wine?

RiverPoet said...

Oh, I HATE tags! I try to buy tagless everything, or else I end up clawing at myself like you did!

Peace - D

The Incredible Woody said...

Whoever invented tags should be hunted down!

Debbie said...

Just sitting up there calmly taking in all the college acceptances are you? Yeah right.

I busted a gut here with the mental image of this...still grinning.

I cut the tags off washcloths and towels too.

Starwoodgal said...

Out! Out! Damn Tag!

(You are tooooooo funny!)

Ellen said...

Oh, I can sympathize on that one. And that damn tag at the waist line on the "tagless" shirts too. Can't the manufacturers just put a tag with the price tag and then we can tear them all off at once? Don't they understand what we women of a "certain" age can do their garments?

Life with Kaishon said...

You are amazing. Able to rip out a tag with a single tug. Nice.

Trisha said...

Oh my! That is too funny! Your shirt looks like it went through a war!

Country Girl said...

Maybe I should be ashamed to say this, but I had to look up the word apoplectic. Me. The vocabulary geek. Not you.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

giggles... snort... belly laughs... runs to the bathroom to prevent a horrid accident... thank you very much!

numberonesistah said...

I am so proud of you! So many women of lesser self confidence would have just put up with that itch and tickle of a tag that has been discovered while in the middle of a social situation. But not you! You saw the problem, decided on your solution and went for it!

I bow down before you.

baronessvonb said...

To the Fashion Industry:

Don't.

Make.

Mama.

Angry.

I think we might have a new superhero on our hands!

Real Live Lesbian said...

LOL...so damn true! We can put men on the moon, but we can't do a thing about the scratchy tags!

Daryl said...

I am so laughing .. but I also so empathize ... labels, tags are the most frickin' annoying things especially in the neck area but trust me those on the side are just as bothersome ..

noble pig said...

OMG you are so my husband. I never feel tags...ever. I ell him he has hyper sensitivity disorder...you must have caught it.

Flash Stitcher said...

I hate those tags!!!
Good riddence!!

Deb said...

Ordering another round was definitely the order of business!

Laura ~Peach~ said...

mama, On april 4th I will be making my yearly treck to missouri... I have to take care of my yearly meeting with my lawyer and signing all my moms papers and visiting her. I winned a gift card from JOJO to a place callled mimi's cafe and the closest one is atlanta but I go right through/by murfreesburo and sometimes spend the night so was thinking it would be great to use the card then...
Can I please have permission to make this trip and do know I wont have computer acess and if I do it will be super limited... but you DO have my phone number :)
PLEASE MAMA PLEASE CAN I GO???

Treasia said...

I hate those tags. Itchy, scratchy irritating things should never be put in clothing. Please tell me you weren't in the restaurant when you shirt came off?

Lisa said...

hummm....I do think there is help for people like you. The little white jacket with extra long sleeves....or maybe AA...or meds...
I do fear you have an issue there my dear friend. I hope you weren't like really out in public. Poor shirt. I don't know, the AA might be the first place to start!!!!

big hair envy said...

Been there, done that.

Me, not you.

Hilary said...

That was wonderful.. I know the feeling so well. Occasionally a tiny bit of that almost-invisible nylon thread stays behind long after the tag is gone. It too is evil. Great post. :)

imbeingheldhostage said...

WHY? Why am I never where you are when something like this occurs?

Flea said...

I've never minded tags. I hate when they're torn from a garment and the neckline starts to come apart, though.