Help!

The Mental Pausal Desk Area is once again a mess.

My procrastination tendencies are taking over.

I feel overwhelmed.

I feel cranky.

I feel like throwing up my hands and going away.

Far away.

But I have to set an example.  Right?

Any motivational suggestions?

You Were Expecting Something Else?

It appears that I have taken procrastination to a whole new level.

But, really, are you kidding me???

picture source

I Just Can't Help Myself

Hey, at least these have heels.

Besides.  We needed some levity.

Oh, Come On

It's time to take politics out of it.

Now.

More Shoes

You know I have a shoe thing by now.  If not, you need to look here, here and here.  Or here.

source

But these?  I just don't know.  Here are David and Victoria Beckham hawking promoting their new fragrances.  Thoughts?

Stranded

Water

Toothbrush

Sunscreen

Books

Reading Glasses

What five things would you choose for your stay on a deserted isle?

Sanctuary

Once upon a time there were four little Rabbits, and their names were -- Flopsy, Mopsy, Cotton-tail, and Peter. They lived with their Mother in a sand-bank, underneath the root of a very big tree.

Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Peter Rabbit

Question of the Day

Why, oh why, would anyone in their right mind want to be President of these United States right now?  And I hope the right mind wins in 39 days.  Yes, 39 days.

I think the debate was very close.  Anyone else?

P.T. Barnum Was Right

There is a sucker born every minute.

And, apparently, I am one.

I have high hopes.

I plan on waking up a size zero in a matter of days.

With smooth skin and clear thoughts.

And because I love you so much,

I'll keep you posted.

Do you think I should go buy all new clothes today?

I may be so detoxed by tomorrow that I have nothing to wear.

Or maybe not.

UPDATE:

I don't know if these things will do everything they claim, but they did something to me.  First, they turned pitch black during the night.  It could just be hot feet, but I sleep in a refrigerated room, so I doubt it.  Second, my dreams were very vivid.  It could have been the pot roast and spoon bread I had for dinner, but I doubt it.  Third, they may smell like lavender going on, but in the morning?  Nope.  More like bacon.  Or something.  All I know is that my dog Dora was with me when they came off my feet, and I haven't seen her since.  

This-n-That Thursday

The random little thoughts that have fluttered through my feeble mind this week:

• In this Wall Street bailout, do you think they will reward those of us who work our butts off, pay our bills, and have a reasonable mortgage?  Like, please pay half of it?
• Can we have the election now, please?
• That whoopee cushion costume was his father's brainchild.  Now you may have an idea why we are no longer married.
• I hate traveling lunges.
• I don't like smelly stuff either.
• Since they've banned plastic bags here, what am I supposed to is Bird going to put the cat litter in?
• Why do my jeans roll over like that on top?
  
• Is it just me, or are the squirrels particularly suicidal this year? And everywhere?
• Remember that size 6x when you were little?  I was so excited when I went from a 6 to a 6x.  I remember my mother looking at me a little funny in the store.  Now I get it.  How on earth could a female celebrate going up a size? Surely this isn't my child, she thought.
• How long can I go without a bra? 
• Maybe I should ask the doctor for a prescription diuretic.  Nah, he won't give it to me.  He'll just tell me to cut back on my intake and increase my cardio.  The idiot.
• Why is electrolysis so expensive?
• Maybe I don't want to go to college with my kids. I think I see some light.
• Those elastic-waisted pants aren't so ugly.  Are they?
• How many calories are in a slightly dirty martini as opposed to a very dirty one?

Welcome to my brain.  I hope you enjoyed the little trip.  What did your little brain great mind contemplate this week?

Just Because

We need a little laugh today, and I am happy to provide it.

And you wonder why I drink...

Why Did the Turkeys Cross the Road?

I have absolutely no idea.

But I do know they weren't going to:

Weight Watchers

The grocery store

The dry cleaners

The post office

A committee meeting

The dentist

Get highlights

Have the oil changed

The pediatrician

The gym

Have a wax

The gynecologist

I never thought about it until I looked at this, but I kinda wish I were a turkey.

A New Way to Parent

Mental:  Why is all your football stuff in the driveway?

Augie:  I'm airing it out.

Mental:  Well, you need to get it in the house so I can wash it.

Augie:  No. it's fine. I'm just going to put it back in my car.

Mental:  Wait.  I want to get my camera so I can get some shots of this.

Augie:  No way.  You'll just put it in your blog.

Mental:  So.  What's the big deal?

Augie: I don't want to be in the blog.

Mental:  Well then you'd better do everything I say.

Augie: *silence

I highly recommend this method of keeping your kids in check.  I may start threatening "blog fodder" a bit more.  Think of the possibilities.

Stay the Course

source

Filed Under: The Poetry of Life

Last night, as I was getting ready to go to Augie's football game, I had to get my turtlenecks out.  It was that chilly!  And on top of the stack was a dead grasshopper.  I guess this really is the last weekend of Summer.  Hope you all enjoy it!

By the way, we won! 8 to 7.  A very exciting game, to say the least.

Cleaning

Snakes and snails,

and puppydog tails.

That's what boys are made of....

and apparently a whole bunch of crap in a car.

My boychild gives "junkyard" a new name.

And, you can hear his crap music before he pulls onto our road.

Embarrassed much?

Good thing he's so darn cute.

Does anyone else have a boy out there?

Trying to convince him that all this crap school stuff costs $ to drive around.

Greening and teens?

Notsomuch.

This-n-That Thursday

Things I learned this week:

• Don't put your Ped Egg next to the mouse on your desk.
• You can actually dream an entire grocery list, and wake up and go to the store with it in your head.  Apparently I have been having a recurring dream that we need tall kitchen garbage bags.  We probably will never need them again.
• When you make a Red Velvet cake, and cut your finger on the butter carton?  You don't lose enough blood to counteract the weight you gain by licking the bowl.
• I don't like that old show Designing Women, and I loved it when it came out.
• I need to start taking my diuretics two days before my Weight Watchers' torture sessions  meetings.
• Waiting 3 months for your hair cut is worth it.

• An evening spent looking for baby pictures with your daughter for her Senior yearbook is such a bittersweet experience that you actually wish you could go back for just one day.

You Can't Call Us Losers

Nosirree.

We have diligently been watching our weight for over two months now.

That first week was wonderful. Glorious.

We got stars.

Since then, not so many stars have come our way.

We are still watching our weight; it mostly goes up.

Annie has an excuse because she is taking steroids for a bad case of poison ivy.

She also has a bum knee.

Me, I have no steroids to blame.

My knees are just fine.

At last night's weigh-in, I found out that I found 2 more pounds.

And that was without shoes, earrings, wedding rings, or underwear.

On an interesting note, however, we have become the class clowns.

Roseanne Barr better watch out.

Opinion Please...

Today's Aquarius Horoscope: Sep 16, 2008

Events around you over which you seem to have no control seem to be all coming together to make things happen for you, dear Aquarius. You might find this a bit frightening, but don't let it get to you. Go with the flow. You've worked hard for what's happening today, and you deserve to enjoy the results. The exhilaration you'll be feeling could manifest as abundant physical energy. This could be too much of a good thing. Take care not to overdo.

I think this means I should take the day off.  What do you think?  

What does your horoscope say today?  

Monkey Don't

I think we all need a little cheering up this Blue Monday.  I remember having a tremendous crush on this man when I was a wee lass.  Guess who!

Picture source

Blue Monday

I am normally not a person who dreads Mondays.  That may change today.  Before I had both eyes opened, I listened to the news.  In less than five minutes I am up to speed:

• Lehman Brothers is filing for bankruptcy.
  
• Merrill Lynch is being sold to Bank of America.
  
• Ike's destruction and the horrors they are enduring in Texas is mind boggling.
• News that the engineer in that California train tragedy may have been texting.  Texting?

I am going to hold on to my seat this morning as the stock market opens.  I do know that everything is a process.  The cycles turn around.  Eventually.  This one seems to be a particularly nasty one.  I hope the free fall stops soon.  

Sun

                 "Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. It's what sunflowers do." 

Helen Keller

Ike

I am glued to the television this morning with this hurricane.  I am a huge weather nerd, and I also think I may have died in a storm in a former life.  Really.  For the last few days, all I have been able to think about is the book called Isaac's Storm, by Erik Larson, which is an account of the hurricane that hit Galveston, Texas in 1900.  If you have any interest in history and the curious ways of human nature, I highly recommend this book.  I may even go find my copy and reread it.  An estimated 8,000 souls may have perished in the storm surge, and it remains the deadliest storm recorded in the US.

Yesterday, the news coverage of the people of Galveston who insisted they would remain gave me chills.  All I could think was how crazy that is when you have options.  

This morning, I again turned on my television, and I hear Bill Weir of ABC News saying that the Manager of Galveston Island has asked the media not to record what may be floating in the water.  So I will now try to get the word "hubris" out of my mind and start hoping and praying for them.

Happy Days Are Here Again

After 82 days and 20 hours since I last visited her, I was finally able to get an appointment with my personal genie hairdresser Mari yesterday.  Until yesterday, it has been a tough few weeks here in Mental Land involving lots of baseball caps and avoidance of being seen by anyone outside of Cocktail Corner.  If you need to bone up on what Cocktail Corner is, you can go here or here.  This magical and lovely lady who turns my hair into spun gold is so popular that you have to wait weeks to get in.  As a matter of fact, when I left, I tried to make an appointment for November 1, and she is already totally booked.  Gah.

At any rate, Mari is also a fun person, and I always love my chair-time with her.  Yesterday, we had a bonus as my good friend Miss Hower had an appointment as well.  She told me she called on August 6, and today was the first time she could get in.  We all laughed and then she told us that she had just had to hang up on her husband because she didn't want to be late and miss her appointment.  The kicker is that he is in Ireland right now, and he called to tell her he had been in an accident.  Come hell or high water, Miss Hower was not missing this appointment.  We all laughed even more.  And everyone went home with our lovely new hair.

Everybody is okay in Ireland, by the way.

Please, someone tell me that I am not the only hair geek out there.  Please?

Remembering

• I remember the first plane.  Then the second one.
• I remember feeling like this could be the end.
• I remember how beautiful that day dawned.
• I remember the first tower going down.  And the second one.
• I remember calling friends to check on spouses and siblings.
• I remember that I used to work on floor 104 of Tower One.
• I remember making sure the flag was out.
• I remember feeling numb.
• I remember driving to pick up my kids at school.
• I remember telling them what happened.
• I remember holding them a little tighter.
• I remember standing on the beach in Westport and seeing the smoke.
• I remember the silent, still night sky.
• I remember feeling an overwhelming loss of innocence.

What do you remember?

Weighing In

Our little world requires has evolved so that Annie and I go to Weight Watchers on Tuesday Evenings for our hoisting on getting on their horridly incorrect time on the scale.  It was very happy the first week: we lost more than 9 pounds between us; Annie lost a little more than five;  me about 4....

We are now starting our third month.  It isn't pretty: I think we are down about 3 pounds, total. I am being generous (for Annie's sake). Really.  I am just so nice that way. We were all set to go last night to weigh, but I forgot to take my diuretic. (I didn't really forget, but fear it may be cheating.  Although I don't think they work on me....)  So when I called my beloved friend, we had the following chat:

Mental:  I don't want to go to Weight Watcher's.

Annie:  Why?

Mental: Um, because we have gained weight this week. And I think taking a diuretic is cheating.

Annie:  Oh, just take it!  Although, I think you are closing the barn door after the cows get out.

Mama:  I think you spent too much time in Missouri.

Annie:  Just listen to me......

Mental:  You want to have a glass of wine?

Annie:  Okay.

Mental:  I'll be there in a minute.

We had a nice night.  No weigh-in.  No weeping or gnashing of teeth. 

But in our defense:

We had a TROPICAL STORM to prepare for last week.  Hanna was, luckily, not much for us Nutmeggers:

• Provisions had to be laid in (read: chardonnay).
• Food had to be stored (read: cheese and crackers).
• We had to go out and reconnoiter with our cohorts (read: drink chardonnay;  or vodka).
• We needed a chili dog and curly fries at The Black Duck (it was awesome).
• We needed a thinner spinner bacon and onion pizza and chardonnay at Partner's (never got to the pizza).
• Sunday Brunch was all about reliving the horror. Not (read: chardonnay and mimosas).
• We needed to drink the stockpiled chardonnay at home (read: still going on....).
• And not forget the cookie dough...(too good for words.)
• That was good, and Squazz is still waiting for some dough, Annie. ( I don't even know what this means...

So, the net bottom line is that we didn't go to the weigh-in.  But just as soon as I finish this glass of wine and this popover, I'm right back on track.

Maybe.

We were so lucky that the storm was not bad here, but, honestly, continue to pray for those in the path of Ike.  And everyone displaced by Gustav.

A Bit More Lucite

And, for what it's worth, I'm sorry.

I just can't help it.

Here is our friend Shauna Sand.

She has a new buddy.

I think said buddy is one of Hugh Hefner's chicks.

I just love these puppies.

Doncha love Shauna?

More to come.....

source

Monday Mama

Off to play in the Westport PAL Golf Extravaganza.

I think I slept a total of 3 hours last night.

And every bone in my old body seems to be screaming.

It doesn't bode well, does it?

Jules is playing with us.

I hope she brings her pink balls.

I love her pink balls.

Learning

Don't believe what your eyes are telling you.  

All they show is limitation.  

Look with your understanding.

--Jonathan Livingston Seagull

Richard Bach

Saturday Happiness

Helen Mirren is 63.

I think she is a beautiful and talented actress.

I cannot tell you how happy I was to see this picture yesterday.

Makes me all better after this one:

Happy Saturday people!

I Just Don't Know....

When AsthmaGirl tagged me for a meme a few weeks ago, I dutifully put it on my to do list.  And a funny thing happened to me with this one; I have been thinking about this almost every day because I keep changing my answers.  Then I think back on what my answers would have been 10 years ago.  And they are vastly different.  I am still a work in progress, but I think it's going in a positive direction. 

Anyway, here we go:

7 Things I plan to do before I die:

1) Dance at my grandchildren's weddings

2) Go to Tibet

3) Go to Bali

4) Be published. On paper.

5) Know all the conventions for Bridge

6) Make a difference

7) Have no regrets

7 Things I can do:

1) Love unconditionally

2) Be self-sufficient

3) Listen

4) Be there

5) Speak up

6) Laugh at myself

7) Tell the truth

7 Things I cannot do:

1) Swallow a pill

2) Tell a lie

3) Live with my natural hair color

4) Be around smoke

5) Pull a tick off the dog

6) Eat eggplant or cilantro

7) Program my pedometer

7 Things that attract me to the opposite sex:

1) Honesty

2) Genuine caring for those less fortunate

3) Emotional and physical fitness

4) Well-read

5) Environmentally savvy

6) Manners

7) Smile

7 Things I say most often:

1) What are y'all doing?

2) Do you need anything from the store?

3) Gah

4) Are you hot, or is it me?

5) What do you want for dinner?

6) I don't like it

7) Where's my puppy?

7 Celebrity crushes:

1) Sean Connery

2) Clark Gable

3) Kelsey Grammar

4) Tom Brokaw

5) David Sedaris

6) Candice Bergen

7) Cybill Shepard

Tagging no one, but want to know how hard coming up with these responses is/was for y'all.  This was a real challenge for me.  I love my female tags.  And that's it. Amen.

This-n-That Thursday

My rugrats (thing one and thing two) are ensconced in their respective high schools getting their college applications in order.  We spend a lot of time talking about essays these days.  I had a dream Tuesday night that I invented a clear crayon that you rubbed over your work and it automatically corrected spelling and grammar mistakes.  Psychosomatic much?

My dinner party was for dead people.  You can invite the non-dead if you like, but I like to keep my guest lists consistent.  Maybe it's a Southern thing.

We had a nice game of bridge last night.  With food and wine.  I think it rained at some point.  Did I say we had food and wine?

Lucia's little fling dalliance new romance with the world's most eligible widower is picking up steam.  I think she finally came to her senses.  They have been spending lots and lots of time together.  There is even talk of a trip to the West Coast soon. I am going to start living vicariously through her soon.  My kids are not so forthcoming these days.

My fruity flipflops are from the bookstore at the University of North Carolina, at Chapel Hill.  I am pretty sure we saw them at all the other college bookstores, but I was feeling deprived that day, and bought them as a little pick-me-up.  They are from a vendor called Hotflops. 

It seems a lot of you out there are working on your 5k butts along with Mrs. G.  Keetha was doing really well, but now she has a sports injury and has to rest.  I was getting my butt in shape vicariously through her exercise regimes.  I am afraid now that I have to do it for myself.  I think I had a sports injury once.  I believe it was called "chardonnay elbow."

Annie and I had another Weight Watchers weigh in on Tuesday at 5:30 in the afternoon.  I took a diuretic at noon to ensure at least a pound would be gone by 5:30.  Nothing happened.  Nothing.

Until 4:01 AM.  I think I lost three pounds.

Somebody Just had a Birthday

Put on your dancing shoes.

She claims she's 22.

I am not buying it.

Fantasy

Coming off a long holiday weekend is always a toughie for me.  This one is no different.  I did manage to have some high times with Annie and Jules over the last few days.  Surprised?  We had a memorable evening at their club on Sunday.  With drinks and dancing.  Lots of it.  I just might have a picture of Annie giving me a particular hand gesture.  Just, might.

Anyway, as I was saying, long weekends are always just that.  And I have trouble with re-entry. So today, I am continuing the festivities a wee bit.  With a fantasy dinner party.  Have you ever imagined a guest list of dead people, famous or not, that you'd like to have to dinner?  I have.  Yesterday, Mommypie had a post where she asked her Doogs about which historical event or time we would like to experience.  It made me remember my fantasy dinner.  If you haven't visited her, you should.  She is funny.  Her drunken Hawaii vacation videos are a good time, too.  

See what I mean? I can't keep my mind on anything.  Wait.  Is this Monday or Tuesday? What?

Dinner for 12

My Guest List:

Thomas Jefferson

George Washington

John Adams

Henry David Thoreau

William Shakespeare

William Faulkner

Ernest Hemingway

Mary Wollstonecraft

Audrey Hepburn

Ben Franklin

Walt Disney

Me

Well, I don't know about you, but I feel all better about the new week.  What day is it?

Who's on your list?