Back before my babies were in kindergarten, their father and I were struggling with the painful task of dividing our little family. It was an unhappy time for all of us, and there were many days that I honestly thought one of us would not live to see the sunset. It was in times like those that I relied on my good friends and my own good sense. And I always found the high road...somehow.
I don't know if this is news anywhere except in our general region, but Christie Brinkley is about to go to trial in her latest divorce. And she has "won" the decision to have it all bared to the public. A few years ago, it seems, her husband had an affair with a teenaged assistant working at his architectural firm. Christie filed for divorce. I would have, too. Now comes the trial. At some point in the past, Christie thought enough of this man to marry him, have a child with him, and allow him to adopt another child she had from a previous relationship. Those children are now in school somewhere in New York (Long Island). And, basically, their mother wants to drag their father through the New York (and other) Tabloids.
Is Christie a woman scorned? Probably. Should she be angry? Probably. Is this exercise going to help her? Nope.
There's a lot of stuff I don't know, but I do know one thing for sure: My kids come first. I am a far cry from an expert on children, but I can tell you that, back during my divorce, when I found my high road, all the crap stopped. Stuff is just stuff. Souls are paramount. And so is dignity. For everyone.
And their father and I couldn't be happier with the outcome.
30 comments:
Utmost, forever and always, our parental demand upon ourselves should be to preserve the dignity of our children. No. Matter. What. To hell with the crap we ~adults~ are personally going through, it's never our children's fault, nor should it have to be their concern!
Listen up Christie-Girl and Peter Cook to MP Mama - she has a very valid point, i.e., you both are idiots!
Channel the high road...just please channel the high road for the sake of your mutual kids!
Mama, your sentiment is well said, my dear friend, well said!
xoxoabboxoxox
Her and Denise Richards should have a lot to talk about it. In the end, they will still be angry.
Great post Dr. Laura..opps I mean Dr. Lauren...very true...the kids didn't ask to be here...Christie and FF..I mean Peter Cook decided to have children together..now they are leaving no stone unturn...LOL
ps..I am off to the Hampton's this weekend for a scavenger hunt...I'm Just sayin'
Oh Gawd, Christie is beautiful but she sure is unusally hard to hold on to? Hubby number 4 right? Anyway, why is this something you win a rite for in court? That is in and of itself bizarre. Anyway, this must be financial driven...I'm sure she is going to owe him major allimony and she is pissed! So her anger is going to ruin the lives of her children and forever brand them with this unpleasantness.
It's horrible. But the poor kids...it makes me crazy. CRAZY!
I have two divorces under my belt. Not proud of that. But, both divorces were friendly because I put my children first. Material possessions can be replaced, why squabble over that or money.
First hubby moved away and was absent in Alleycat's life, much to my (and her) dismay and his abandonment has scarred her. Yet, I never spoke bad of him (to her), he was still her father. After she grew up, she figured things out on her own - she realized he was a selfish jerk without Mom telling her that all her life. She also realized that was HIS problem, his personality flaw and has nothing to do with her.
Second hubby lives nearby and we co-parent Monkey Girl. We both attend parent-teacher conferences, softball games and other school activities she is in. We are friendly to each other FOR HER - so she knows, without a doubt how much she is loved by Mom and Dad. If she criticizes a decision or discipline from him, I back him up on it. We still remain united in parenting her and she can't play one against the other as I've seen in some divorces. If we have disagreements, we settle them privately.
Thank you for this post. The high road is detrimental in divorce with children. Parents should never put their WANTS above their children's NEEDS. Period.
Since my brother accused me of only blogging about David and it's boring....it's obvious how I feel. I totally agree with you.
When my ex brought his first marriage children into my world, they were more than welcome. I will always love them like my own. Kids are the only priority in the divorce. Hell, that's why I waited till he was 14!!
Great post mama...ya done good!
Listen up Christie!!
It is tough and I know that my NSLO comes first. But then try explaining this to a man 16 yrs your senior who has changed and is self centered, selfish and not the man I married.
You have given me hope that there is a high road. I will search.
I have lived by that as well. Take the high road. It is not easy, and I was not ALWAYS successful. But I tried. I still do. Sometimes I get tired of being that person, but in the end I know that it is the right thing to do. My cousin says there is no softer pillow than a clear conscience (sp?). I totally agree with her on that one. Have a great day.
Those are powerful words you've written. I can't imagine how hard it must be to take the high road in divorce. It's hard enough in a good marriage during an argument. Thanks for the reminder, Mama.
The sad fact is that many in our generation have never really grown up. They act like spoiled children, expecting to be always indulged. They have no conception of how to sacrifice for the sake of their own children.
I hope that Brinkley will take the high road. But I am sure that the very tabloids that are urging her to do so are also secretly hoping instead for the full media circus to go on.
And for the rest of us, it feels like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I, for one, will not be watching.
xoxo,
mary
Yikes, I just read back what I wrote, and it sounds really harsh. Blame it on lack of sleep, the crappy weather, menopause...
I totally agree with you, Lauren. And I just hate to see those poor children used in this way!
xoxo,
Mary
While I can see her anger over what was done dragging it all out in the open (mud) is not the answer. At least not for her and his children's sake. She needs to put her anger aside for her kids.
I totally agree with what you have said, although I have been lucky enough to be married for 33 + years and I have not had to go through that heartbreaking little adventure, but even still taking the highroad is the best lesson in life...period!!! This last month there have been some HEARTBREAKING things in my little nothing life and have had a real hard time not being on my "high horse" about it and it is hard not to bad mouth the other{s} involved. Thanks for your words of wisdom! I will try to remember to take the high road!
I totally agree but I'm pretty sure she's doing this just to get him to settle the case quickly.
ROFL...Mama you're great! I'll find Gone Fishing Pic and post. I do have Project Orange I'm going to try and schedule for Saturday.
If I can't figure it out, I'll email you and thank you!
An insane morning here .. and now I am trying to swallow lunch and get some work done AND read my favorite blogs ...
You are a gazillion % right ... but I have to wonder if Ms Brinkley isnt doing this because she has no career right now and needs the attention .. her taste in men is truly suspect and now it seems that lack runs over into a lack of caring for her childrens well being ...
You, my dear, are the classy polar opposite of Ms Brinkley ... too bad she doesnt have you as a friend to show her how
:-Daryl
It is ugly to be sure. I know this because the Old Goat talked to me about it. If it hit his radar screen, it's ugly.
Agreeing with all that has been said so far. I can't imagine being pissed enough to wash my laundry in public. It's impossible for either party to come looking good.
Ugh.
Perhaps it is because she is or was a *star* and this airing your dirty laundry is par for the course in that society.
Or maybe she is just a b!tch.
Saw this .. had to share:
Brinkley's Eldest Child Defends Open Divorce Decision
26 June 2008 4:59 AM, PDT
Latest: Christie Brinkley's daughter with rocker Billy Joel is proud of her model mother for making her divorce battle with Peter Cook public.
Brinkley, 54, is due to fight estranged husband Cook in a New York court on Wednesday, when their divorce goes to trial.
She filed for a legal separation in 2006, over his alleged affair with a then-18-year-old assistant.
According to reports, among Brinkley's divorce allegations are claims that Cook trawled the internet for women and porn.
The beauty, who has kids Jack, 12, and Sailor, nine with Cook, has been criticised by her ex and their children's guardian Theresa Mari for making their divorce proceedings open to the press - but Alexa Ray Joel, 22, has praised her mum's efforts.
She tells People magazine, "She's standing up for herself. I think that is admirable. There's such overwhelming support for her."
br>Thanks for your visit to my Brookville Daily Photo blog this morning. I hope you enjoyed my post today showing the baby rabbit eating the poppy leaves.
I also wrote a longer piece on my Better Blog Writing about my Mom and Dad. See if you like the writing style. It is popular among better blogs.
Last evening, it was almost dark, when one of the baby rabbits came up to our patio door and wanted in. I was flabbergasted but only took a picture and didn't leave him come in the house.
I wanted you to know I stopped-in to repay your visit and leave a you a comment.
I enjoyed reading your blog post for today and I thought your photography choice you used was excellent.
I agree with what you said. My hope is that she can find her high road soon cause making this all public isn't going to help anyone.
I agree. Well said, Mental P. Pain and misery shouldn't be broadcast, especially where children are involved.
So glad you found your high road.
well, to be fair, if it takes away some headlines from madonna's trainwreck, i'm fine with it. SHE SHOULD GET DIVORCED IN IRAQ!!! then she could bring a little much-needed attention to that area (people don't really know much about what's going on over there, but actually we've got troops there i think), AND...um...i forget what the other good reason for that was, but i'm sure there was one. it can't *just* be that i really should go to sleep.
I must say, I find myself agreeing with you again and again (lucky me, poor you). Obviously, she is better without him.
Amen Sister!
I totally agree!
Wish I coulda got that through my ex's head!
There's always one who wants to play dirty!
As usual, I agree with what you (so eloquently) wrote. When it comes to divorces including children, and the things that come to pass therein, taking the high road will never be the wrong thing. Although I've made plenty of mistakes in the 20 years I have been a Stepmom, I like to think that for every one mistake I made, I did two things right. I think Christie Brinkley is beautiful, and she has beautiful children. It would be good if she found a way to maintain all of that beauty rather than mar it this way...
Well said! It's these celebrities that so many want to model their lives after... sad world.
I hope she takes your advice and spares those poor kids.
So well said, MPM. Kids first. Revenge last. The high road is a good road to be on. More people should travel it.
great post, very thought provoking..Sometimes it is hard to find the high road, especially when you are crawling and can't find your feet in the process.. thanks Mental P.
Just read this post, Lauren and I liked the picture you chose to go with the story. Divorce is never ever pleasant, I don't care what people say. Thankfully, I don't know this from firsthand experience but there are times during my marriage when I'd wished I was divorced. I do know that I have integrity enough to have taken the high road where my children were concerned.
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