Murphy's Law Haiku

take a day to rest

in my bed then loud loud noise

new gutters all day

Only on Monday

Today's Aquarius Horoscope from Cafe Astrology

Emotionally, you could feel a tad out of sync today, dear Aquarius. This can actually be a good thing, as your mood could push you out of complacency and into action. You have the opportunity to work on resolving problems from the small things forward. Aim to create order out of something today, whether it involves cleaning out your drawers or freeing your mind from clutter - or both, as taking care of irksome problems can help clear up your mind.

Creativity: Fair ~ Love: Fair ~ Business: Good

A "tad out of sync"? Well it is Monday. And I guess I better get going on creating some order. Sigh.

Is yours any better?

Friday Facts

You asked; I attempt to answer:

• This is a complete juice cleanse of 5 days. I am doing this with two coworkers.
• We are doing it through a local vegan juice stand.
• Every morning, we have warm water, cayenne pepper and half a lemon. I have grown overly fond of this concoction.
• Every two or two and a half hours, we drink our prescribed juice. There are 6 16-ounce drinks and they must be consumed in a particular order.
• The juices have been...interesting. And only yesterday did I encounter one I could not even sip. But the one after that was watermelon, and it made up for the whole episode.
• I was hungry a few times the first day but if it was bad, I just started drinking the next scheduled juice.
• We can also sip on water and herbal teas.
• No caffeine, no wine, no nothing but the juices.
• I feel like a million bucks.
• The bathroom: Plenty of kidney action, but, as many of you want to know: since the second day, the colon must be empty. Nothing. And we are all making the same observations.
• Today is the last day, and I am a little sad. I am contemplating purchasing a juicer.
• We will get instructions today about reintroducing solid food, and I expect it will be mostly continuing to eat a raw, plant based diet. And I am all for this.
• I will weigh myself tomorrow. I think I have lost a few pounds, but I just feel different. My morning arthritis is gone, my sense of smell and taste are more sharp, my skin is softer and clearer, and I had to move my watch buckle over two holes. I think all that stuff about inflammation must be true.
• Yes, I do feel proud of myself. And maybe a little virtuous.
• I am definitely going to do this again.

Any other?

This-n-That Thursday

Burning questions:

• Should I go brunette at my hair appointment today?
• Are there any political ads out there where they are not attacking the opponent and actually telling us what they will do?
• Do men lack the ability to actually squeeze the sponge out?
• Is there such a thing as a spinning class for beginners?
• Why am I so addicted to Words With Friends?
• What about bangs?
• What does it mean when you dream you are changing a baby's diaper, and it is full of chopped garlic?
• Does anybody out there wanna play Words With Friends with me?
• Did you know it's 57 days until Christmas?
• Does anybody else out there have the a/c on? On October 28?
• Words With Friends? Anybody?

Tuesday Text: Parentexting™

I can see that I am going to need to broaden my skills.

I wonder if this would have been a good time to revisit the story of how I was in labor for two days with him? Poopy.

Classy

When my mommy read this, she laughed and laughed.

Personally, I don't need this kind of advice.

But I know plenty of humans out there who could use this book.

Plenty.

Now it can be yours.

And it's an autographed copy.

Just leave me a comment using the word "biscuit."

I'll get my sister to pick another random number tomorrow.

This-n-That Thursday...

My horoscope says I may stumble on a pile of cash today...I rather like that thought. And the first thing I will do is hire a House Man. Here are some I would like:

• Niles
• Benson
• Hobson
• Jeffrey
• Mr. French
• Uncle Charlie
• Mr. Belvedere
• Tony
• Hop Sing

Who am I missing? Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go start stumbling.

Tuesday Text

February really is a cruel month.

My face is doing its best to pack up and leave me.

So I went to the doctor yesterday.

And while I waited to get in,

I whined wept carried on pathetically

tried to elicit sympathy from my spouse...

Isn't he a chatty Cathy?

See?

I don't even know this person.

Gah.

The Eye of the Beholder?

Photo credit

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

Happy Friday everyone. Have a Beautiful weekend;)

If Only...

I am going to start my own collection. You never know...

Visit Perri

Word-Filled Wednesday

Ointment

Biopsy

Oozing

Crusting

Inflamed

Itching

Madness

Sleepless

%$#*%$# Eczema

Help.

I have eliminated gluten, dairy, soy, peanuts and sugar. Which means no wine. And today? Out goes the caffeine. Does anybody have any ideas? I think I am allergic to myself.

Nine Lives

We've had a drama filled week here in Mental Land.

Noelle the resident cat was diagnosed with congestive heart failure.

We rushed her to the animal hospital where they drained the fluid

in her chest cavity and put her in an oxygen tank for two days.

When she came home Friday night she was skin and bones.

And her sister Dora took over her care.

Best friends.

She's already feeling better and putting on some weight.

I am thinking cats really do get many lives.

Our next stop will be the kitty cat cardiologist.

My wallet can hardly wait.

(Sorry for the fuzzy pictures, my phone was all I had at the moment)

True Happiness

My Guru, Mari.

Is there anything better than a color 'n cut?

Except maybe a nice new pair of tweezers?

Or waking up with a flat belly?

Or...

Fat Free Monday

I had waaaay too much weekend.  Before my feet hit the ground this morning, I made the decision to make it an "all-plant-food" day.  This horoscope just confirms it for me. And now, I'm off to make some oatmeal.  Does anybody want some chocolate and jelly beans?

AQUARIUS January 20-February 18

Daily Overview: April 13, 2009

You probably do not have to worry about your weight, but still--you might be interested in new trends and what people are doing to stay healthy. Stress is much easier to wade through if your body is up to the climb. Check out the large health food stores that have fresh food and watch what those healthy looking customers are ordering. Check out the heart healthy diet.

 

Laundry Loafers

 The Great Shoe Caper of 2008.

 

I finally washed the other one so they would match.

What's the sixth picture in your sixth folder?

Go check.  I'll wait.

And thanks to Shara for the fun meme.

 

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Do your feet ever get hot?

I don't like hot.

Did you know that?

In the lane...

When it snows, ain't it thrilling,
Though your nose gets a chilling
We'll frolic and play, the Eskimo way,
Walking in a winter wonderland.

Sanford & Son, and Mama

Here at the Mental homestead, we recently had much debate and parental input, and weeping and gnashing of teeth, but in the end, Augie took his birthday money and some of his summer earnings and bought new tires, or wheels, or rims, or something.

Aren't they cool?  I think they are supposed to be cool.

His old tires, rims, wheels, or something?

Neatly tucked "behind" a maple in the back yard.

Or not so tucked.  They are all I see out my office window.

He claims he is selling them.

I am not holding my breath.

Well, to be fair, I have some back yard issues, too.

But this was an act of nature.

Strong winds blew this antique urn over.

I promise.  Ask Squazz.

Notice how I am just letting the leaves gather around it to give it that seasonal look.

Maybe I should put a cornucopia out there next to the arrangement....

So creative this ol' mama.

The apple really doesn't fall so far from the tree after all.

Please help me feel better.  Show me your back yard secrets.

Please?

Two Days Off

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

Send. Help. Please.

Thanks Everyone!

After all the kind advice and encouragement I've received from you all today, I've been able to complete my desk clearing project.  Seriously.  And I actually found some books that I ordered from Amazon.  They came three weeks ago.

Has anyone read any of these?

We won't discuss where everything went, or what a certain corner of my bedroom looks like now that my office is so beautiful.  Nor will we discuss the state of the drawers in the bathroom.  I am ashamed to say that Squazz has one half of a drawer and maybe a third of a shelf.  The rest of that real estate is mine.  It isn't pretty, but I'll think about that another day.

By the way, what is is with all those wine comments?  

You Can't Call Us Losers

Nosirree.

We have diligently been watching our weight for over two months now.

That first week was wonderful. Glorious.

We got stars.

Since then, not so many stars have come our way.

We are still watching our weight; it mostly goes up.

Annie has an excuse because she is taking steroids for a bad case of poison ivy.

She also has a bum knee.

Me, I have no steroids to blame.

My knees are just fine.

At last night's weigh-in, I found out that I found 2 more pounds.

And that was without shoes, earrings, wedding rings, or underwear.

On an interesting note, however, we have become the class clowns.

Roseanne Barr better watch out.