Thursday, December 30, 2010

Happy Blogoversary to Me: A Giveaway!

Three years ago I wrote these profound words:



Welcome to my blog. I am a middle-aged mama attempting to negotiate my daily life and what lies ahead. Sigh. Please join me as I try to maintain my equilibrium with the help of my family and friends, and maybe a few strangers just for good measure.

Today, I count some of you "strangers" among my dear friends...ain't it funny how this here Internet works? Anywho, because I got so many comments about my coffee maker yesterday (which was only in the shot to give you an idea of how gargantuan that box of Goldfish is) I have decided to bestow one on a lucky stranger!

I think to have been along for me on this three year ride means you must be drinking lots of the caffeinated stuff. I say this because I often put myself to sleep reading my own drivel. So, I'd like to keep you awake. All you have to do is leave a New Year's Resolution for me. Enter as many times as you want, but I need a Resolution every time. Spread the word! I will announce the winner on New Year's Day!

Here's your goal:

Now get creative! Mama needs some rules for 2011!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Simple Math:

Two college kids+Mom's grocery list+Mom's Credit Card=A Few Extra Things
A two pound box of Goldfish? But, look--at least they got whole grain. That's good. Right?

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Tuesday Text: Parentexting™

Storm texting--why do 19 year olds not get it?
A dog that needed to be emptied, and then exhausted so she'll sleep the rest of the day exercised:

And on the Fourth Day of Christmas, we venture out. Halleluja.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Apologies to my Fellow New Englanders....

You can blame this snowmaggedon on all your Aquarian friends:

Aquarius - Dec. 27, 2010
This is an auspicious time for you, Aquarius. It gives you the energy and enthusiasm to make the necessary changes in your life. There is a lot of work to do, but you're up to it! First focus on your relationships. Your loved ones don't care about your professional successes. They want (and perhaps need) to spend more time with you. Do what you can to bring your life more into balance...

So, along with much of the Northeast, my office is closed today, and when Dora and I headed out for our walk this morning, this is what greeted us:
That right there is a colossal snowbank. I felt a little Laura Ingalls Wilderesque.... And my family is fixin' to spend so much time with me you may be reading about it. And I don't know about the balance part. Some stuff just may stay off kilter--because I like it like that.
Happy Monday! Is your scope as good as mine?

Saturday, December 25, 2010

December 25, 2010

"There are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited, I dare say," returned the nephew: "Christmas among the rest. But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round--apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that--as a good time: a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time: the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they were really fellow- passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!"

Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas

Thursday, December 23, 2010


You Are Creative

You are open minded, flexible, and adventurous. You never quite know where you're going, and you like it that way.

You are hard working and live fast. You want to accomplish great things in your life.

You find that most tasks are more difficult than you anticipated. And you don't give up until the job is done.

You work hard for the feeling of satisfaction it gives you. Any money you get is secondary.

If I'm so creative, why can't I come up with something better than this? Hmmm? And I bet you took the test, too. Come on...take the labyrinth test.....

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Aquarius - Dec. 22, 2010
You've been working exceptionally hard, Aquarius. Today is a good day to recharge your batteries. It seems everyone wants a piece of you. You may have reached the point where you have nothing left to give. It's OK to say so. If possible, take the phone off the hook and reserve the day for yourself. Sleep in, meditate, go for a walk - you get the idea!

What about work? How are you doing, my friends?
What are you supposed to do today?

Monday, December 20, 2010

Tuesday Text: Parentexting™

Today we take a break from the rugrats. Here is some new stuff to ponder...compliments of Flea. Big type is an early Christmas present from me. You're welcome.

ATD: At The Doctor's

BFF: Best Friend Farted

BTW: Bring The Wheelchair

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM: Covered By Medicare

CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center

DWI: Driving While Incontinent

FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers

FWIW: Forgot Where I Was

FYI: Found Your Insulin

GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!

GHA: Got Heartburn Again

HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement

IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL: Living On Lipitor

LWO: Lawrence Welk's On

OMMR: On My Massage Recliner

OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.

ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up

SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop

TTYL: Talk To You Louder

WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?

WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again

WTP: Where's The Prunes?

WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil!!

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly,

Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably,

And never regret anything that made you smile.


Today'a inane post is a direct result of boring Aquarius horoscopes all over the Internets:

You Are Sophisticated and Well Mannered

You're the type of person who can sit all day entertaining guests with witty banter.

You believe in presenting yourself in the best light possible. You like to be seen as classy.

You give a first impression of being upper class and even a bit snooty. And you're the first to admit you're a little guilty of that.

You are an armchair critic. You can detect quality easily, and you want the best things you can find.

All I thought was that it looked like the most comfortable seat for this tired old spine of mine...what does your chair say about you?

Friday, December 17, 2010

Fashionable Friday

And, do these pom-poms make my thighs look big?
Have a great weekend, my friends.
Got dress up plans?
Cartoon source

Thursday, December 16, 2010

This-n-That Thursday

Wanna get your dander up today? Check out these earmarks your elected officials are trying to get through...and remember, many of these people don't want to extend unemployment benefits...

● $40 million for a National Bio and Agro-defense facility in Kansas, requested by Sen. Sam Brownback (R., Kansas).

● $8 million for expanding Anchorage’s port, requested by Alaska Sens. Lisa Murkowski (R) (who campaigned on her ability to bring Alaska earmarks) and Mark Begich (D).

● $165,000 for maple research in Vermont, to further delve into the quality and food safety of syrup and to consider how current production methods affect tree health, requested by Sen. Patrick Leahy (D., Vermont).

● $1 million for arthropod damage control, requested by Sen. Harry Reid (D., Nev.).

● $21 million for Hawaii Federal Health Care system, requested by Appropriations committee chair Sen. Daniel Inouye (D., Hawaii.)

● $2.5 million to improve pedestrian and bicycling paths in Illinois, requested by Sen. Dick Durbin (D., Ill.)

● $307,000 for research on small fruits, requested by Reps. Earl Blumenauer (D., Oregon), Norm Dicks (D., Wash.), Rick Larsen (D., Wash.), Kurt Schrader (D., Oregon), and David Wu (D., Oregon) and Sens. Maria Cantwell (D., Wash.), Mike Crapo (R., Idaho), Jeff Merkley (D., Oregon), Patty Murray (D., Wash.), James Risch (R., Idaho), and Ron Wyden (D., Oregon).

● $350,000 for Cool Season Legume Research, which would fund studies on what diseases harm and what improvements could help crops such as lentils and beans, requested by Sens. Maria Cantwell (D., Wash.) Kent Conrad (D., N.D.), Bryon Dorgan (D., N.D.) and Patty Murray (D., Wash.) and Reps. Norm Dicks (D., Wash.) and Earl Pomeroy (D., N.D.).

● $15 million to reduce emission-caused pollution in California, requested by Sens. Dianne Feinstein (D., Calif.) and Barbara Boxer (D., Calif) and Democratic Reps. Dennis Cardoza, Jim Costa, and Jay McNerney of California.

● $1 million for AFL-CIO training programs, requested by Sen. Tom Harkin (D., Iowa).

These are but 10 of the 6,600 earmarks in the new spending bill. They total $8 billion.

Merry Christmas.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Deck ♬the Dog with ♪Boughs of Folly♫

My mommy has been working a lot lately. So I thought I'd help out with this here blog, and show you what she does in her spare time...
And I thought that collar was bad last year.
I wish she would find a hobby....
Like baking dog biscuits.
And if she thinks she's dressing me in that New Year diaper,
let's just say that I hope her will is updated.
Ho Ho Horrified, Dora.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Tuesday Text: Parentexting™

It's exam time again.
Mama offers encouragement and advice to her babes:
My son knows what he doesn't want to be.
And The Bird:
I am so glad it's them and not me this exam season...
So I guess it's safe to say I'm low on both estrogen and empathy...
But they'll be home in two sleeps!
I cannot wait♥♥♥

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Scoffing at this one....

Well, Mercury is in retrograde.......

Aquarius - Dec. 13, 2010
A problem with your house - plumbing, electricity, phones - might necessitate calling in professionals, Aquarius. This might prove mildly irritating, as strangers could be going in and out all day, and you or other members of your household might be temporarily housebound when you have obligations elsewhere. Don't take your frustrations out on others. This will all pass by tomorrow!

However, here at the complex, I have my concierge.... Please allow me my moment--this peace has been decades in the making;) Happy Monday my friends.
Is that silly Mercury bothering you today?

Friday, December 10, 2010

My New Friend at Work

Meet Guinness:
Guinness is a hedgehog. He sometimes comes to our office with his mommy.
Have you ever held a hedgehog?
The adorableness is overwhelming.
I can now take "kissing a hedgehog" off my Bucket List.
Happy Friday, and if you get a chance,
take the time to kiss a hedgehog.
It cures a lot of woes.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


The Driving Tiara becomes The Studying Tiara:
A Good Man is Hard to Find...especially if you already have a tiara.
Do you think Flannery O'Connor would approve?

Mental Pause Musing

Ever feel this way?
Maybe, like, every other hour?

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Tuesday Text: Parentexting™

Santa's little helper:
What a good and generous Baby selfless in her guiding me while I shop for her twin brother. And today? She has changed her mind. I have some new ideas:

"ok i guess if you insist... i would like either some nice black leather boots (equestrian style) or a red or camel long wool coat"

Are you finished with your shopping yet?

Sunday, December 5, 2010


Aquarius - Dec. 6, 2010
Today is one of those days in which prosperity is much closer than you think, Aquarius. You will find what you seek, but it's up to you to take the first step to going after it. More than likely, you're looking for solid answers to your deep and probing questions. Don't let your inquisitive mind rest until you find the answers that ring true for you.

This is good. Right? I'm all for the prosperity part. And I guess I'd better start thinking probingly deep thoughts. And, probingly is too a word. Is too.

Is yours this good?

Sunday Plans?

Mine look like this:

Friday, December 3, 2010

Thursday, December 2, 2010

This-n-That Thursday

Observations based on three days of gainful employment:
  • The time between 7 and 8 am is the most precious part of the day now.
  • On days when it is raining sideways, take a few minutes of that precious time to pack a lunch.
  • I don't have nearly enough clothes to wear.
  • Office phone systems are different nowadays....
  • I think poor Dora is already used to my absence.
  • When do I go to the grocery store now?
  • Is it possible for your brain to hurt and yet you don't have a headache?
  • Have I mentioned I don't have nearly enough clothes?
  • I am one of the oldest people in my office. I doesn't matter one bit.
  • I don't remember being this fulfilled in a long time.
And now? It's 7:42. I must get much stuff done in the next 18 minutes. Have a great day.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Mental Paws Moment

My mommy keeps going to someplace called 'work.'
She is all happy. I don't think I like it. At all.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Tuesday Text: Parentexting™

The one where I write a witty comment on the boy's Facebook status, and am again reminded of my very low station:
And the one where the girl is texting from her bedroom about the abysmal living conditions here at home:

I say Mama is right on both counts. How about you? I'm right. Right?

Monday, November 29, 2010


Because none of the Aquarius horoscopes were interesting:

Your Soul Is Connected to the Fall

You are a somewhat sensitive soul with a tough exterior. You are street smart and wise about the world.

You have the heart of a poet, but you're not too eager to let anyone else see it.

You are very creative and deeply talented. You are still looking for the perfect outlet for your expression.

You embrace change and think the cycles of life are beautiful. You don't shrink away from the darker elements of life.

Wishing you a wonderful Monday. Do I have any fellow Fall souls?

Sunday, November 28, 2010


St. Paul's on the Green
Norwalk, Connecticut
It is the beautiful task of Advent to awaken in all of us memories of goodness and thus to open doors of hope. ~~Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, Seek That Which Is Above,1986

In the Episcopal Church, the color blue is used during the four weeks of Advent. Blue is the color that is often associated with Mary. After the fourth Sunday in Advent, all the blue ribbons are changed to red for the Christmas celebration.

A ribbon miracle, you ask? Well, at St. Paul's, this 'miracle' is performed by my friends on the flower ministry. And we are honored to do so.

Photo credit: Kate

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Small Business Saturday!

Mama's Baby Bird+Mama+Shopping with Mama's American Express Card=Thinking BIG!

Small Business Saturday Today’s the day - the first ever Small Business Saturday! You did a fantastic job spreading the word in support of small businesses everywhere. Now, let’s get out there to support the businesses we love – Think BIG, shop small!

41 minutes ago · ·

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

This-n-That Thursday

Thanksgiving Edition

Some of the things I'm thankful for:
This one That one
May God's Blessings shine on us all.

Take the Pledge...

...because no child should have to go hungry.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Tuesday Text: Parentexting™

A tale of two teenagers:
So, he's coming home late tonight. I still have no idea when. Where did I go wrong? Clearly I messed up in the communication department here. Clearly.

Then we have this one:
Seriously. She manages to keep her mother up to speed on everything and get her work done. How could they have shared the womb all that time and not be similar? And I wonder if she will make that pasta for me when she gets here? Thank heaven for daughters. And sons, too.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Never Dull Here....

Aquarius: 11/22/10

By now, you should be getting some traction on a big project. Momentum is on your side.


Dream up some new way to tell people what's going on today -- there's no reason to be boring and direct. Your great social energy means you can get people to see things in a new way if you try.

Get yours here.

You Are a Maverick

You're a restless rebel with an unpredictable nature.

Bright but unbridled, you tend to seek out wild experiences over new ideas.

People are frustrated by your great potential, but you love your unconventional life.

You're a heartbreaker. People get attached to you, and then you're gone.

Your strength: Your thirst for adventure

Your weakness: Not taking time for slow pleasures

Your power color: Hot pink

Your power symbol: Figure eight

Your power month: March

I am to be direct and not boring. And this maverick business kinda makes sense. They'd better watch out in the grocery store today.....

Friday, November 19, 2010

Thursday, November 18, 2010

This-n-That Thursday

Things my Spam Folder tells me:
  • I have millions of dollars waiting for me in Africa.
  • I don't ever have to worry about erectile dysfunction ever again.
  • My hip injury recall is all taken care of. Whatever that is....
  • Single moms make $1,470 per week working from home.
  • The Scooter Store wants me to become a client.
  • I also have millions of euros waiting for me.
  • Alexander McQueen left me all his money!
  • There are lots of dating sites for people over 50.
  • Olive Garden really misses me.
  • Dora is eligible for a Master Card. Platinum.
  • If I buy an iRenew bracelet, I will never have a health issue. Ever.
  • I have a dead relative in Latvia who left me $12 million.
  • Gwyneth Paltrow's blog, GOOP, is alive and well?
  • This one is too good not to share a bit:
"To effect the release of your fund valued at $11million you are advised to contact our correspondent in Africa the delivery officer Mr. Hofmann Smith Meier with the information below,

Email: OR

You are advised to contact him with the information's as stated below:

Your full Name........
Your Address:..............
Home/Cell Phone:..............
Preferred Payment Method ( VISA ATM CARD/Cashier Check )

Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 24 working hours. Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back guarantee if you do not receive payment/package within the next 24hrs after you have made the payment for shipping.

Yours sincerely,

Miss Donna Story

Note: Do disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM CARD, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Mr. Hofmann Smith Meier of the ATM CARD CENTER who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation. "

Seriously? I get at least one of these money letters a day now. How many people are these scams working on? At least my erectile dysfunction worries are over.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Full Disclosure:

Disliking Gym Says You Are Thoughtful

You are thoughtful, philosophical, and downright cerebral.

For you, gym is too intense and competitive. You aren't always in the mood for playing hard.

You may or may not be into exercise - but any physical movement you do is under your own terms.

You don't get your happiness through thrills or adrenalin rushes. Your bliss comes from quiet reflection.

I really hated gym. Hated it. But I love to exercise. Well, maybe love is a strong word...I value exercise. Go figure. What about you?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Tuesday Text: Parentexting™

The one where we take iWhining™ to a whole new level:
The mother must always be a calming force. I take the blame for stirring the Giants pot, but the rest is up to her. Right? How'm I doing?

And what exactly is a cat lady?

Monday, November 15, 2010

Monday: Come to Mama

Today's Aquarius Horoscope from Cafe Astrology

November 15, 2010

Practical matters soar today - you are excellent at finding truly workable solutions to your problems now. It's a good time for being recognized for the job you do or for your position in society, and also for attracting more money and possessions into your life. You believe you deserve more, and that is the key. Strut your stuff now, without coming off as haughty of course, because people in power are listening. A partner might also be feeling grand and generous with you.

Creativity: Good ~ Love: Good ~ Business: Excellent

Except for the bit about more possessions, I am all over this one. But I am good at sharing, so I'll be happy with it all. I guess I'd better get going. I need to prepare to strut...
How is yours?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Retreat Friday

Nowhere can a man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.

-Aung San Suu Kyi
c. AD 170^180 Meditations

Eleven Eleven Eleven

General Douglas MacArthur:

"It is the Soldier, not the reporter, who gives us freedom of the press.

It is the Soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the Soldier, not the campus organizers,

who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.

It is the Soldier who salutes the flag, who serves the flag

and whose coffin is draped by the flag,

Who allows the protester to burn the flag. Amen"

(Veterans Day is an annual United States holiday honoring military veterans. A federal holiday, it is observed on November 11. It is also celebrated as Armistice Day or Remembrance Day in other parts of the world, falling on November 11, the anniversary of the signing of the Armistice that ended World War I. (Major hostilities of World War I were formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918 with the German signing of the Armistice.))