This 'n That Thursday

Utter nonsense:

• All of my medications have "x's" in them.
• I am obsessed with Gotye.
• What are those white fluffy things floating everywhere?
• I am taking my nephews their birthday cards tonight.  Their birthday was two weeks ago.  I consider myself right on time.
• I cannot believe how much unknown I have in my future right now, and how very happy I feel.
• I believe it cost me more to take Dora to the vet yesterday for her checkup than it does for mine.
• She is fine by the way...maybe a few pounds overweight, but very good.
• Getting hair done tomorrow.  Cannot wait.
• The Bird and I went to the New York Botanical Garden last weekend...amazing.  
• I am always hot.  And not in a good way.
• Coffee creamer made from coconut milk is the bomb.

You?

This 'n That Thursday

Things that annoy the tar out of me:

• People who say "y'all" when they aren't from the south.
• Those cars that wait for you to get right up to them and then they pull right out in front of you.
• And then they drive 10 miles under the speed limit.
• The phrase "on so many levels."  Gah
• My procrastination issue.
• The line out the door at the post office when workers are at every window, but only one is actually helping people.
• Those dents in my head above my ears from my reading glasses.
• Ticks.
• Door dings all over my car.
• Loud people.
• Dull tweezers.

You?

This-n-That Thursday

Aside from water, and an occasional herbal tea, this has been my fuel this week (please take special note of the MPM rating system):

• Cucumber Juice☝
• Kale, Collards, Celery, Cumber, Apple Juice☝
• Almond Nut Milk (Almonds, water, cinnamon, nutmeg, sea salt)☞
• Cantaloupe Soup☝
• Lemonade (Lemons, ginger, water, agave nectar)☝
• Kale, Avocado, Cucumber, Basil, Lemon, Hemp Oil Smoothie☝
• Limeade (Lime, water, agave nectar)☟
• Kale, Collards, Cucumber, Sunflower Sprouts, Basil, Garlic Smoothie☝
• Grapefruit Juice☞
• Carrot Ginger Soup (Carrots, ginger, cayenne)☝
• Aloe Vera Juice (100% pure aloe vera, peppermint oil, water)☞

I am sipping on my morning lemon/cayenne/warm water, and I feel like a million bucks. Who knew?

And I am off to pick up today's feasts in a bit....

This-n-That Thursday

Things I am blaming on hormones. Or lack thereof....

• My third cowlick.
• My enlarged ankles.
• My flaking fingernails.
• Everybody else's annoying habits.
• My third buttock.
• My daughter's inane observations on my life.
• Her brother's lack of observations on my life.
• My own rambling observations on my life.
• My five deodorant sticks.
• Wanderlust.
• Moisturizer fixation.
• Intolerance of bad table manners.
• Earlobe wrinkles.
• I know there's more, but I cannot remember.

Any others?

Spring Cleaning Chez Mental P

There once was an old lady in Connecticut,

Who had so much crap she could just spit.

She awoke one fine day,

Surveyed her nest in all its disarray,

And promptly made lunch plans.

What are you doing today?

This-n-That Thursday

This week's new annoyances symptoms of my advancing years:

• Cannot see the buttons on the phone
• Cannot hear anything except screaming children in restaurants
• Raging dyslexia
• Overnight eyelash loss
• A need to talk to the people on television
• A need to talk to myself
• Overnight goatee
• A need to scream at the lead story on the news at 6
• Everything itches
• Everything is especially itchy between 2 and 5 AM

I wonder what next week will bring....What's itching you?

If Only...

I am going to start my own collection. You never know...

Visit Perri

Self Diagnosis

If I get this....

No need to trace my travels.

I will have contracted it in a 17 year old's closet.

In Fairfield County, Connecticut.

On May 4, 2009.

I think I have muttered his complete name 100 times today.

Along with some other words.

I just hope the washing machine stays healthy.

Undone

It all started with a drinking dinner out with my best girls.

Annie, Jules and I were having a simply lovely evening.

All was well in the land of chardonnay and laughter.

And then it happened.

A twitch.  An itch. 

Estrogen levels began to plummet.

Frothing and writhing ensued.

Me, not them.

Before I knew it, my neck was being lacerated.

There was a tag in my shirt.

How'd that get there?

ZOMG the agony of it all.

The clawing was fierce.

I think I caught a glimpse of their horrified faces...

In between the weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Mine.  Not theirs.

Annie and Jules were apoplectic....

(And that, my friends, could be a first.)

All they could do was sip and stare.

But I digress.

They were afraid and cried out:

"Mental P!  Your shirt! It's tearing!"

And I was all, "shirt?"

"I don't need no stinkin' shirt." 

And with that, the offending article was extricated with a flourish.

And all was right in the world.

Then, if memory serves, we ordered another round.

Amen.

Going to Run Some Errands

Then I'm going to yoga class.

Need anything?

My Favorite Email

Every woman knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

DANGEROUS	SAFER	SAFEST	ULTRA  SAFE
What's for dinner?	Can I help you with dinner?	Where would you like to go for dinner?	Here, have some wine.
Are you wearing that?	Wow, you sure look good in brown!	WOW! Look at you!	Here, have some wine
What are you so worked up about?	Could we be overreacting?	Here's my paycheck.	Here, have some wine.
Should you be eating that?	You know, there are a lot of apples left.	Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?	Here, have some wine.
What did you DO all day?	I hope you didn't over-do it today.	I've always loved you in that robe!	Here, have some wine.

I am working on answering all your wonderful questions, and will have some answers later.

In the meantime, have some wine.

I Feel So Much Better About Myself

"Bridgeport, CT, AP-- A Connecticut judge has given the brush-off to a blonde woman's lawsuit claiming L'Oreal Inc. ruined her social life when she accidentally dyed her hair brunette with one of its products.

Charlotte Feeney of Stratford says she can never return to her natural blonde hue, a shock that left her so traumatized she needed anti-depressants.

She says she suffered headaches and anxiety, missed the attention that blondes receive and had to stay home and wear hats most of the time.

A Superior Court judge dismissed Feeney's 2005 lawsuit Monday, saying she never proved her allegation that L'Oreal put brown hair dye in a box labeled as blonde.

The company also had disputed the claim.  Feeney referred questions on Wednesday to her attorney, David Laudano, who has declined comment."

Um, Charlotte, honey, let me tell you about the time Joe at Nico Nico Salon colored my hair PURPLE. There were no lawsuits, no meds (although I am going to remember that option), no missed attention.  As a matter of fact, I recall lots of people looking at me.  Annie, do you remember that?

Can you imagine what our legal system would look like if everyone sued when they had a bad hair day?

Countdown

Tickets?

check

Wallet?

check

double check

Bags?

check

Electronics?

check

Mother's Little Helpers?

check

Thing One and Thing Two?

check

We are off to visit a few more colleges.

Pray for me.

Fun With Daryl

A few days ago, our friend Daryl in NYC posted a wordle she created, and basically told us to all go forth and wordle as well.  Being very bovine-like, I followed along and made my wordle.  Only when I went to post it on here, it was about the size of a pinky fingernail.  No kidding.  It really pissed me off annoyed me.  Since I was festering in cranky and miserable juices, I just threw up my hands and went to find something else in my house to get mad about do.  

Later, Daryl and I were exchanging emails where I might have whined about how the stupid mentioned that my wordle wasn't loading into my blogger post so that anyone other than a Polly Pocket might be able to read it.  She offered to fix it for me.  So here you have it:  The Mental Wordle made possible by Daryl.  Now all of you go off and wordle, too.  It's fun.  Unless you are as dumb technically challenged as I am.

On another Daryl note, and, no, she is not paying me for all these props, although that might be nice she made up her own Award, and gave me one!  I think this one might just be my favorite, and I ask you to marvel in its creative little self.  It almost got me out of my old lady funk.

On second thought, now that I see this, I think I will break out of my old lady cranky funk.  And I want to share it with you all.  I think many of you have received this award because I am late in posting this treat.  But I've been a miserable no good bitch bit busy.  Now go forth and spread the love.  I am finally in a good mood, and I want to see this everywhere I go.  Mkay.

Explanation

I just want everyone to know that I am not a crappy card player.  I just get crappy cards.

Seven points ain't gonna get you very far.

PS: Please note all the bowls of food and dips in the upper portion of this picture.

The Ides of March

Happy Birthday Fabio!

He's 49. Time is definitely marching on.

Sometimes We Need a Little Music Therapy

Silly Saturday fun.

Your Sunday Lesson

Every Sunday Father Donovan, a preacher at a small church in the little town of Juniper, MO, tried to make the Bible accessible to his congregation through his sermons. On this particular Sunday, Father Donovan proclaimed, "If you ever feel adrift in the sea of life, just turn to the Bible for guidance. All life's experiences are immortalized in the good book, and it will help you find your way to shore."

After church Mrs. Francis approached the preacher and said, "Father Donovan, I don't think every life experience is in the Bible. Nowhere in the Bible have I ever read about PMS." Father Donovan had never heard such a comment, so that night he sifted through the Bible to see if Mrs. Francis was right.

Next Sunday Father Donovan pulled Mrs. Francis aside after church and said, "I wasn't wrong last Sunday when I said that every life experience is mentioned in the Bible." "Okay, Father. Where does it say anything about PMS?" Father Donovan opened up his Bible and showed her a passage that read: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

Thought for the day

Of all the things I've lost, it's my mind I miss the most.

Big night in Cocktail Corner. Must rest now.

Wonder What Their Mental Pause Years Will Bring...

Moms Allegedly Brawl at Chuck E. Cheese
AP
Posted: 2008-03-04 15:15:38
Filed Under: Crime News

NATICK, Mass. (March 3) - A child's birthday party at a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant was cut short after a fight broke out between two mothers. Natick police said the mom of the 9-year-old birthday boy apparently became enraged because the other woman's son was "hogging" an arcade game.Sgt. Paul Thompson said Catherine Aliaga, 38, and Tarsha Williams, 33, both of Boston, would be summoned into court to answer charges of simple assault and battery stemming from the scuffle.Thompson told the MetroWest Daily News that police received a number of 911 calls about the fight Saturday night.He said what started as a birthday celebration turned into a "birthday melee."
Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.