Surviving Cocktail Hour

When you are in Wave One on The Sonoma Diet, you are not allowed any alcohol.  At all. For ten days.  Today is Day 3 for me, which means that if you are reading this, I am not in jail.  Yet.  Yes folks, Mental P has made it through two grueling blissful nights enjoying her family sans the benefit of a buffer a glass of wine.

Here are some coping skills I have honed the last 36 hours of deprivation cleansing.  You, too, can use these tested techniques during that certain time of day when you feel like you might kill someone:

1.  Do some more laundry.  You know there is always something else to wash, and no one can see you cry in the laundry room.

2.  Read.  Like, a book or something.

3.  Write a letter--that activity is actually fun.

4.  Clean off your desk.

5.  Take a nap.

6.  Take a bath with Johnson's Baby Bath for Cranky Babies.  It has a nice Lavender scent.

7.  Start dinner.  But be careful, because there is a whole lot of chopping involved with all these vegetables.

8.  Take a sniff of Squazz's scotch.

9.  Give yourself a nice facial.

10.  Tweeze.  In ernest.

11.  Eat your long-awaited snack for the day.  I got to have 11 almonds on Monday.  Yesterday was 1/2 cup of grape tomatoes....I felt like I had died and gone to heaven.

12.  Take one more nice deep sniff of Squazz's scotch.

By the time you complete most of the things here, cocktail time has effortlessly passed, dinner is ready, and you get to eat your carefully measured allotment of protein, and your unlimited broccoli, cauliflower and asparagus.  On your nine inch plate.  

In all honesty, this is a very fun and tasty program.  I rarely feel deprived of food.  My wine is a whole 'nother story.  But I am 33% there!  In Wave Two, you get to have a glass of wine with a meal of your choice.  I am thinking Day 11 might feature a breakfast varietal.  Wonder what goes with All Bran?

Anybody have any other suggestions?

A Conversation

Yesterday morning, as I was preparing the smallest slice of whole grain toast on the planet, my husband Squazz sat reading my blog post.  The following lovely exchange ensued:

Squazz:  Squazz*, you cannot have a drink for 10 days on this Sonoma Diet????

MPM:  Nope.  But remember that South Beach Diet is two weeks without any booze, so this one is lots better.  Don't you think?

Squazz:  Can you do this?

MPM: (inhaling the intoxicating aroma of her dry toast) Of course I can.  That isn't very nice, Squazz.

Squazz:  I know you can do it, Squazz....I wonder if Tige's condo is available.  Maybe I should go to Florida for the next week or so.

MPM:  (staring longingly at her next course: 2 hard boiled eggs) Fine.  Go.  It may be a loooong ten days, but I am going to do this.  By the way, look at me; I am wasting away already.

*Yes, we call each other Squazz.  Don't ask me what it means or why because I have no idea.

I'm Hungry

Today, we start a new health kick with some of our favorite bloggers.  If you want to join in, go visit Big Hair Envy, and figure out how you want to get in shape.  I am feeling sorta blah.  I don't know why.  Maybe because I am 40 pounds heavier than I was 2 years ago.  Maybe because I have a stupid skinny little doctor who won't give me any thyroid meds.  Maybe it's the bottle glass of wine I drink at night. Maybe it really is about portion control.  If you take the serving spoon and scoop stroganoff into your gullet mouth, does that count as calories?  What does it mean when your muffin top actually gets firm?  Too much lifting of the arms?  Bending of the elbows?

All I can tell you is this, if you are looking for my usual, charming self for the next ten days. --  Are you listening Squazz?  -- Stay away.  Because Mama is going on the Sonoma Diet.

It won't be pretty, but I hope to get started on this load little bit of weight I seem to have gained.  And I can have a glass of wine in 10 days.  I don't blame you if you stay away until then.  My kids may be looking for a home by tomorrow.

Thanks.

Playing With My Toy

More of Mama's well-fed animal kingdom.

I cannot wait to actually learn how to use this camera.

Chubby Girl

Wonder if her doctor will give her a little pill.

A Visit With a Doctor

Scene: Endocrinologist's sunny office. Skinny little doctor (SLD) in his chair. Fat Plump ol' Mental P Mama (MPM) across his stupid dumb idiotic desk.

SLD: Well, I have to tell you that your thyroid numbers are not so bad after all.

MPM: So, I'm not getting a little pill to make this 40 pounds go away? And the nodules?

SLD: You know, most women your age have these nodules on their thyroids. It is meaningless.

MPM: So, I'm not getting a little pill to make this 40 pounds go away?

SLD: You may want to pay attention to your portion sizes at mealtime.

MPM: So, I'm not getting a little pill to make this 40 pounds go away?

SLD: Do you drink alcohol?

MPM: A little....

SLD: You have to start taking better care of yourself when you reach this age.

MPM: So, really, there is no pill?

SLD: Nope.

MPM: So, I am not getting a little pill. Or anything?

Happy New Year, Everyone!

I am feeling renewed.

I am feeling great.

I am feeling energetic.

It is all in the attitude.

Seriously.

Good things are coming.

Believe.