Thursday, October 1, 2009

This-n-That Thursday

DWE (Driving Without Estrogen) I have turned into that old lady:
  • Little old man, do not pull out right in front of me and drive 5 mph. Everywhere. Including through every stop sign we encounter.
  • And while we're at it, listen up Fairfield Countians: You all need to learn how to negotiate a 4 way stop sign. Idiots.
  • Hey there cutie pie: Hang up and friggin' drive.
  • And why are you already on your phone as you're pulling out of your driveway? Couldn't you finish your all-so-important yapping in your house mcmansion?
  • Slow down there hotshot. We are all impressed with you and your Hummer. Now go away.
  • Turn signals people?
  • You can honk at me all you want, but I am actually going to let people out of a parking lot in front of me.
  • By the way, in a parking lot? Slow down! I cannot see very well because Biff and Buffy have blocked my vision with their massive SUVs.
  • And whoever hit may car last week and didn't bother to leave a note? Thanks. Ever heard of Karma?
Phew. I feel all better now. Anyone else have anything to add?

29 comments:

Mary said...

ROFL!!! I feel your pain, sistah!

big hair envy said...

I have one to add:

-The LEFT lane is the FREAKIN' PASSING LANE!!

Delores said...

Come to Spain, mi amiga, wait until you see the drivers here!

Starwoodgal said...

Well said! I'd like to add:

All 20 something girls with their rearview mirrors turned towards themselves and not the rearview and doing their makeup on the way to work. ARG!

Man reading the paper, while drinking coffee, while driving 80 mph on I-540 every morning.

Dear tailgater - kiss my bumper.

Dear Mommyblogger with your SUV terror stories - there's NO WHINING in parenting. Pay attention the road and stop changing the DVD player while driving.

Mr. 'I have to be in front' - must you pull around me just to be the first one off the exit ramp going 80 mph.

PS: no texting while driving law started today in Arkansas. And, drivers ages 18-20 must use hands free phone if they talk while driving. I'm thinking I've seen plenty of folks over 20 who should chew gum and drive at the same time, much less talk on a cell phone - hands free or not.

starwoodgal said...

shouldn't chew gum

LL Cool Joe said...

I think you are talking about me on a least 2 of those points. ;)

Have to say if you think Americans drive badly, you should come to the UK!

Patty said...

LOL, I have a few more to add, but at the moment can't think of them. Except for the idiots that fly around me on the interstate, practically cut me off to get in front of me, then slow down to the point I have to pass them. Then it's like they wake up again and realize this and once again, come zooming around me. Have never been able to figure that one out.

I have a cell phone, in the car, for emergencies. I only use it when parked someplace and I never keep it turned on. I'm with you, what did these poor people do before the cell phone. Thanks for stopping by my place.

Marsha said...

I hear ya.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Have they stopped teaching what merging traffic is? Clowns!
<><

The Incredible Woody said...

I'm sure I have something that really pisses me off while driving. Currently, I can't think of it. I love pain meds that way:)

~Mad said...

On the news this morning on my way into work - GM has closed down production and sales of Saturn - and as an aside, they alos did the same with Pontiac and HUMMERS!!!! so there, HUMMER owners - so there!!!
I never was impressed!
~Mad(elyn) in Alabama

Mango Girl said...

I love the title of this post!!!

I think driving tests should be mandatory every year...for some people, every 6 weeks.

xo, Mango

Living on the Spit said...

Excuse me, Hard Working Man...PLEASE do not take that exit at 45 mph, when the sign clearly states...15 MPH and CAUTION SHARP TURN!!!

I am really surprised our relationship makes it past cohabitation while driving.

Country Girl said...

No texting while driving began today in Maryland. I have no idea how they will enforce it, however.

Driving sucks sometimes. Today, when coming out my driveway: (you know my driveway, where it meets the main road at the end?) we were sitting there, waiting for a break in traffic to go across the road. Two cars see each other driving and they both pull over, IN FRONT OF ME and prepare to park in front of my car!! As I'm sitting there waiting to cross the road!

I think I scared them when I laid on the horn.

Grace said...

Agreed to all!

Debbie said...

I've been on this rampage all week, so I love this post. It's getting utterly ridiculous. You can spot the distracted idiots immediately too. It's like driving is keeping them from doing something more important!

I came out of the grocery store and couldn't find my little bitty truck. It was invisible behind the SUV.

Hummers? Gah

Angel Mama said...

Pick a speed - any speed - and stick to it!! I like cruise control, and it really makes me aware of how difficult it is for most people to maintain one speed.

And don't pull out in front of me, and then forget where the gas pedal is. It's the long, skinny one on the right - push it!!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Well, it will be different but not any better once you purchase your little brick house down the road here, and it all has to do with hats.

The key to success is never let a person with a hat on get in front of you, whatever you do. And also, do not believe it when somebody has their blinker on. Half the time, they're just riding down the road with no intention of turning. But they are wearing a hat.

sarah said...

Ok, you are one crazy lady and I need some crazy to feel good. too funny.

Camellia said...

Oh, too many drivers where you are from. But don't come here, where we let the blind drive. I mean I would like you to come here and I am sure you are very nice, so yes, one or two of you can come here and your families and friends can come and visit and we still won't be too crowded, and you can still read and drive and practice sign from one town to the next, but really, not every one, not at once...and that old man, I already told you, is my granddaddy and I lost him in 1954, I want him back, send him home.

TSannie said...

A red light is just that...A FECKING RED LIGHT - it doesn't mean hit the pedal to the medal and pray everyone else is smart enough to know you are STOOOPID! And in your honor, MPM, I say GAH!

Grandma J said...

Sounds like you encounter the same folks I do.

Nurse Nancy said...

Amen! I have been there and had all these experiences. I have one other to add.....having run on the road a lot this summer is very bright clothing to make me visible...Do you not see me on the side of the road? Must you still drive like a lunatic!

Caution Flag said...

When did you move to Detroit?

diane said...

The "gap" in front of me is there for a reason. Should the person in front of me stop suddenly, I will have time to stop without rear ending them. When you pull into that gap doing 75, it kind of defeats the purpose. Idiot. Oh... and I know where you work and your NASCAR maneuver got you there 8 seconds sooner.

These Nine Acres said...

Speaking of cars, OMG...last night we were sitting next to a mini van where a man jumped out at a red light, went to the car in front of him, opened the door, yanked that driver out by his shirt, and commenced beating him up in the middle of a busy highway.

Yikes!

Sassy said...

you make me smile....

Lisa said...

Wow!!!! That is one This n That thursday. Hope your Friday was better.

Pouty Lips said...

I like yelling at the passengers...Hey, you, stop giving him a lap dance and let him drive.