Hump Day Haiku: Hungry

in dreary winter

mama likes some melted cheese

when can we annie?

Tuesday Text: Parentexting™

The one where I start a 5 day juice cleanse and can find no love:

I don't think she even cares. I'm all behind her on this college business, but, still...

And this morning, I sit here sipping my lemon/cayenne water, and I wonder what the juice genies have prepared for us today. Stay tuned.

Post-Halloween Still Life

Just shoot me.

Sunday Brunch Anyone?

Coming right up.

Searching...

Searching...

Wait...

My New Diet and Exercise Plan is Working!

And on a serious note,

does that back strap make my butt look big?

Freezer Show-and-Tell

In our get-healthy bid, Big Hair Envy has asked us to show what's in our freezers.  Without any editing.  I actually took these shots a few weeks ago, but have been too obsessed interested in what some people are doing in Florida to post this.  So without any further ado, I give you the Mental P Freezer. Unedited.

This shot has your basic pesto, grilled chicken strips (organic), frozen chicken breasts (waiting for a nice pounding and balsamic marinade, followed by a turn on the grill), corn meal (hey, I'm Southern), unbleached flour, and those whole grain Arnold Sandwich Thins (these are the best--6 grams of fiber and 100 calories each!)

Here we have one of my favorite things.  When you are in a hurry, and don't have time to chop all your broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, etc.  Just pop one of these puppies in the microwave, and you have a bowl of steaming veggies.  I sometimes do this for lunch.  They also make a bag of brown rice that you can zap, too.  And it is wonderful.
Here we have some more quick lunch stuff.  I nuke these Green Giant Digestive Health creations, and toss a few of those grilled chicken strips in there, and Voila, another amazing lunch!  Oh, those are hot dogs on the right.  Remember, I do have a couple of teenagers.  And they like to eat, too. That green thing?  The Bird's eye wrap.  I have a matching one.  Like daughter, like mother.
Let's see...this looks like some whole wheat flour, some stew meat, some shrimp, some breadcrumbs, and some hotdog buns (remember those hungry teens?).  I also think I spy a bag of walnuts under there, too.  I snack on a handful of those every day or so.  They are good for you.
Okay.  There you have it.  Boring, right?  Now come on and show us what's in your freezer.  

Back to Business

The party's over.

  I've toasted our new President. 

I've toasted the new First Lady.

I've toasted the new First Children.

 I've toasted my birthday. 

 Many times.  

Many, many times. 

 I've toasted my children's safe return from a holiday in Costa Rica.

It's time to put away the chardonnay.

Time to get back on the treadmill.

Time to get serious.

Again.

Thank you everyone for my wonderful birthday wishes!

I was overwhelmed.

My World Monday

Today		Hi: 33° Lo: 17°
PM Snow
9 AM		28°
Cloudy
Noon		31°
Flurries
6 PM		30°
Flurries

Meanwhile, in Central America, the Mental P Rugrats struggle to send me an email every once in a while.  They're so busy, don't you know?

And I will not be speaking about my diet today.  Nope. Not a word.

Dinner Party a la Sonoma

Last week, my dear old friend Miss Hower--she of the voodoo doll fame--invited us to come to dinner on Sunday night.  Being the dedicated Sonoma Mama that I am, I told her we would love to, but not to be offended if I couldn't eat everything.  Because Miss Hower has been down this road with me more times than she probably cares to remember, she was immediately interested in what I could have, and made a Sonoma feast fit for, well, me on Sunday evening.  We had broiled Arctic Char with a fantastic Napa Herb rub and an avocado/tomato/cilantro topping, steamed peas, couscous, roasted sweet onions and tomatoes, salad, and all the water I could down.  Miss Hower is a fantastic cook, and I loved every last bite.

Now for a bit of the diet and personal care saga history of Miss Hower and Mental P:  We have been at it for a long time.  I won't say how long, but a looooong time.  We started in college.  We would put bandanas on our heads and take jogs together.  When it rained, we would jog in slow motion around our suite to the strains of "Chariots of Fire."  Yup.  That long ago.  Miss Hower also arrived on campus that year with a complete assortment of Erno Laszlo skin care products.  The rest of the girls were so impressed that we had all our newspapers delivered to our door under the name of, you guessed it, Erno Laszlo.  She also had so many cute little sweaters that she had to color coordinate them in her closet.  You do not want to know how many shoes she has right this very moment.

Anyway, fast forward ten years after our Vanderbilt days, and I am visiting Miss Hower in her Florida home for a "spa" weekend.  We planned a whole weekend of exercise, massage, healthy eating and relaxation.  And it went pretty well.  Until lunch on day three.  We sauntered in to a restaurant in Sarasota, Florida--a French restaurant with a very French waiter.  First, we wanted a diet drink with no caffeine.  Who the hell goes into a restaurant like this and drinks anything but wine?  Sigh.  As I recall the waiter did a whole bunch of sighing.  Then we placed our orders.  I wanted some sort of salad with, basically, none of the listed ingredients.  And everything else on the side, thank you so very much.  Miss Hower ordered the salade aux champignons.  Only she didn't want any mushrooms with that salad.  In case you don't speak French,  champignons are mushrooms.  Needless to say, I think that poor waiter had to change his shirt because he was sweating so much.  I cannot sit and write this story without laughing out loud.  Fifteen years later.  

The point of this little walk down memory lane is to say how blessed I feel to be able to say to a friend--who has graciously invited you to dinner--that you do not want any champignons, and she totally gets it.  With grace and style.  Thank you Miss Hower, you are the best, and I know you will always have my back.  xoxo, Miss Ives.

A Lady and a Diet Update

First, the lady:

Nice.

Is that what all that dieting did to you, honey?

Oh, and happy birthday Kirstie.

And another big Happy Birthday to Cool Breeze!

I am sure he and his lovely bride, Big Hair Envy, will be celebrating in an appropriate, South Beach manner.  This whole diet business was their idea.  Right?  Right?

Anyway, let's talk about me now.

Today is Day 8 for me on The Sonoma Diet.

I have lost 6 pounds since last Monday.

SIX POUNDS.

I wanted to make sure you heard me.

I feel good.

My skin looks better.

I sleep better.

I function better.

Maybe there is something to this healthy living business.

Okay, enough about me;

How's everybody else doing?

Guardian Angel

Noelle the cat--adopted December 1999 at 6 months

Dora the beagle mix--adopted July 2004 at 6 weeks

They are both angels.

Most of the time;)

By the way--Day Seven on Sonoma Wave One and all is well!

Cheating

I have a little confession.

  I have cheated on my diet a little bit this week. 

 Forgive me fellow hungry blogsters, for I have consumed:

1)  A Fresca.  But in my defense it was Bridge night.

2) 1/2 cup of fat free cottage cheese.  I know, cottage cheese is cheating on a diet?  But I truly feel I was allowed because I had worked out for an hour, and had 45 minutes on the treadmill that day. I was hungry.

3) 13 almonds instead of 11.  They were small.  Really.

4) An additional 1/2 cup grape tomatoes.  I can't help it, I love those suckers.

5) 4 teaspoons of olive oil on Tuesday instead of my alloted 3.  I couldn't help it.  I was watching Giada (Everyday Italian) on the Food Channel.  I won't watch that any more for a while.  Trust.

6) I had 5 ounces of meat last night instead of 4.  I am going to do extra cardio today to make up for it.

On a positive note, the alcohol-abstinence has not been as big a deal as I thought it would.  The food on the Sonoma Diet is delicious.  And everyone is still alive here.  The children are leaving for a ski weekend after school today, so that will help;)

Anybody else have anything they want to confess share?  Hm?

This-n-That Thursday

Wafting through my mind this week are a few things like these:

• I just noticed that my vitamins are for people over 50.  But I'm going to keep taking them because my mother always told me I was advanced.
• If everything has a purpose, then what purpose does dust have?
• I saw Carrie Fisher on The Bonnie Hunt Show, and it made me feel so much better about myself.  Sorry Carrie.
• I cannot get Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" out of my head-- It's the karaoke version where everyone screams "so good, so good, so good!"
• When you play Bridge without wine, it is hard to remember all the cards.  True story.
• Speaking of Vitamins, and that seems to be just about all I do, I have a serious crush on Vitamin D.
• Do not ever eat a big spinach salad with red cabbage, fresh broccoli and black beans 30 minutes before an hour-long MRI.  Ever.  If you live, you will regret it.
• If you take a picture of cheese, what does it say?

That's it.  I am off to do some cardio and chop some more vegetables.  Have a lovely day my friends.  Day 3 was a snap;)

Surviving Cocktail Hour

When you are in Wave One on The Sonoma Diet, you are not allowed any alcohol.  At all. For ten days.  Today is Day 3 for me, which means that if you are reading this, I am not in jail.  Yet.  Yes folks, Mental P has made it through two grueling blissful nights enjoying her family sans the benefit of a buffer a glass of wine.

Here are some coping skills I have honed the last 36 hours of deprivation cleansing.  You, too, can use these tested techniques during that certain time of day when you feel like you might kill someone:

1.  Do some more laundry.  You know there is always something else to wash, and no one can see you cry in the laundry room.

2.  Read.  Like, a book or something.

3.  Write a letter--that activity is actually fun.

4.  Clean off your desk.

5.  Take a nap.

6.  Take a bath with Johnson's Baby Bath for Cranky Babies.  It has a nice Lavender scent.

7.  Start dinner.  But be careful, because there is a whole lot of chopping involved with all these vegetables.

8.  Take a sniff of Squazz's scotch.

9.  Give yourself a nice facial.

10.  Tweeze.  In ernest.

11.  Eat your long-awaited snack for the day.  I got to have 11 almonds on Monday.  Yesterday was 1/2 cup of grape tomatoes....I felt like I had died and gone to heaven.

12.  Take one more nice deep sniff of Squazz's scotch.

By the time you complete most of the things here, cocktail time has effortlessly passed, dinner is ready, and you get to eat your carefully measured allotment of protein, and your unlimited broccoli, cauliflower and asparagus.  On your nine inch plate.  

In all honesty, this is a very fun and tasty program.  I rarely feel deprived of food.  My wine is a whole 'nother story.  But I am 33% there!  In Wave Two, you get to have a glass of wine with a meal of your choice.  I am thinking Day 11 might feature a breakfast varietal.  Wonder what goes with All Bran?

Anybody have any other suggestions?

A Conversation

Yesterday morning, as I was preparing the smallest slice of whole grain toast on the planet, my husband Squazz sat reading my blog post.  The following lovely exchange ensued:

Squazz:  Squazz*, you cannot have a drink for 10 days on this Sonoma Diet????

MPM:  Nope.  But remember that South Beach Diet is two weeks without any booze, so this one is lots better.  Don't you think?

Squazz:  Can you do this?

MPM: (inhaling the intoxicating aroma of her dry toast) Of course I can.  That isn't very nice, Squazz.

Squazz:  I know you can do it, Squazz....I wonder if Tige's condo is available.  Maybe I should go to Florida for the next week or so.

MPM:  (staring longingly at her next course: 2 hard boiled eggs) Fine.  Go.  It may be a loooong ten days, but I am going to do this.  By the way, look at me; I am wasting away already.

*Yes, we call each other Squazz.  Don't ask me what it means or why because I have no idea.

I'm Hungry

Today, we start a new health kick with some of our favorite bloggers.  If you want to join in, go visit Big Hair Envy, and figure out how you want to get in shape.  I am feeling sorta blah.  I don't know why.  Maybe because I am 40 pounds heavier than I was 2 years ago.  Maybe because I have a stupid skinny little doctor who won't give me any thyroid meds.  Maybe it's the bottle glass of wine I drink at night. Maybe it really is about portion control.  If you take the serving spoon and scoop stroganoff into your gullet mouth, does that count as calories?  What does it mean when your muffin top actually gets firm?  Too much lifting of the arms?  Bending of the elbows?

All I can tell you is this, if you are looking for my usual, charming self for the next ten days. --  Are you listening Squazz?  -- Stay away.  Because Mama is going on the Sonoma Diet.

It won't be pretty, but I hope to get started on this load little bit of weight I seem to have gained.  And I can have a glass of wine in 10 days.  I don't blame you if you stay away until then.  My kids may be looking for a home by tomorrow.

Thanks.

Chubby Girl

Wonder if her doctor will give her a little pill.

Mama's Grocery Store Adventure

It is a sad day when you come home from the grocery store and photograph your favorite purchases.  But I can't help myself.  

Whole wheat!

Fiber!

Chewable!

I'll spare you the shot of the Lemon Flavored Cod Liver Oil.  

But trust me, I have it.  

Grocery confessions anyone?

P.T. Barnum Was Right

There is a sucker born every minute.

And, apparently, I am one.

I have high hopes.

I plan on waking up a size zero in a matter of days.

With smooth skin and clear thoughts.

And because I love you so much,

I'll keep you posted.

Do you think I should go buy all new clothes today?

I may be so detoxed by tomorrow that I have nothing to wear.

Or maybe not.

UPDATE:

I don't know if these things will do everything they claim, but they did something to me.  First, they turned pitch black during the night.  It could just be hot feet, but I sleep in a refrigerated room, so I doubt it.  Second, my dreams were very vivid.  It could have been the pot roast and spoon bread I had for dinner, but I doubt it.  Third, they may smell like lavender going on, but in the morning?  Nope.  More like bacon.  Or something.  All I know is that my dog Dora was with me when they came off my feet, and I haven't seen her since.  

Weighing In

Our little world requires has evolved so that Annie and I go to Weight Watchers on Tuesday Evenings for our hoisting on getting on their horridly incorrect time on the scale.  It was very happy the first week: we lost more than 9 pounds between us; Annie lost a little more than five;  me about 4....

We are now starting our third month.  It isn't pretty: I think we are down about 3 pounds, total. I am being generous (for Annie's sake). Really.  I am just so nice that way. We were all set to go last night to weigh, but I forgot to take my diuretic. (I didn't really forget, but fear it may be cheating.  Although I don't think they work on me....)  So when I called my beloved friend, we had the following chat:

Mental:  I don't want to go to Weight Watcher's.

Annie:  Why?

Mental: Um, because we have gained weight this week. And I think taking a diuretic is cheating.

Annie:  Oh, just take it!  Although, I think you are closing the barn door after the cows get out.

Mama:  I think you spent too much time in Missouri.

Annie:  Just listen to me......

Mental:  You want to have a glass of wine?

Annie:  Okay.

Mental:  I'll be there in a minute.

We had a nice night.  No weigh-in.  No weeping or gnashing of teeth. 

But in our defense:

We had a TROPICAL STORM to prepare for last week.  Hanna was, luckily, not much for us Nutmeggers:

• Provisions had to be laid in (read: chardonnay).
• Food had to be stored (read: cheese and crackers).
• We had to go out and reconnoiter with our cohorts (read: drink chardonnay;  or vodka).
• We needed a chili dog and curly fries at The Black Duck (it was awesome).
• We needed a thinner spinner bacon and onion pizza and chardonnay at Partner's (never got to the pizza).
• Sunday Brunch was all about reliving the horror. Not (read: chardonnay and mimosas).
• We needed to drink the stockpiled chardonnay at home (read: still going on....).
• And not forget the cookie dough...(too good for words.)
• That was good, and Squazz is still waiting for some dough, Annie. ( I don't even know what this means...

So, the net bottom line is that we didn't go to the weigh-in.  But just as soon as I finish this glass of wine and this popover, I'm right back on track.

Maybe.

We were so lucky that the storm was not bad here, but, honestly, continue to pray for those in the path of Ike.  And everyone displaced by Gustav.