Cougar Tale

My good friend Lucia had a date on Saturday night.  With a younger man.  It wasn't exactly a blind date, but she doesn't know this fellow very well, so it could be considered a blind date for my purposes here.  But I do digress.

Anyway, he shows up at the appointed time and she asks him in for a drink before they head out to dinner-- a way to break the ice.  She notes immediately that he has taken great pains to coif his hair.  A hairdo, if you will.  Kinda like Donald Trump.  Lucia's ex-husband had his hair done at a beauty parlor on their wedding day.  Anyway, she pours ol' Donald a glass of red wine, and they chitchat for a bit.  But he soon informs her that he is starving, so they must get to dinner immediately as he is on a strict feeding schedule.  He has had, maybe, a half-sip of his wine. 

When they are seated at the restaurant, Donald informs her that he is 38.  Lucia, a woman of a certain age--a beautiful woman, and a personal trainer with a body to match her career, informs him that she could be his mother. 

The evening progresses and Donald just yaps away: his beautiful wife (whom he wistfully compares to a "built" Pam Anderson) left him for a younger man, and Donald was left to reorganize his life.  He lists for Lucia, in minute detail, his caloric intake for the week, and painstakingly describes each exercise he performs.  As a result of all this fastidious care, Donald is very muscular, and I must add, not unattractive.  (How do I know this?  I just so happened to be at that particular restaurant....)  Hard boiled egg whites, oatmeal and boiled chicken.  That's pretty much what he eats.  Every day. When Lucia ordered an appetizer portion of wild mushroom ravioli, as her dinner, he almost fell over.  "You eat pasta?!?!" 

Oh, and another thing:  HE HAS HAD A HAIR TRANSPLANT AND HE TOLD HER ALL ABOUT IT.  AT DINNER.  They took it from his back, and he had to have stitches because so much was needed.  Way too much information, I know, but this is the truth folks.  He's thinking about doing it again, too.  Now, I saw this man, and I am all for hair transplants, or whatever anyone wants to do that makes them happy, but I really don't know where on his head he will possibly fit another big old swath of his lustrous back-hair.  I'm just saying.

Now on to my point of this little tale:  I have been bouncing around different types of blogs lately, and I absolutely love to read all the various perspectives.  What has been catching my attention of late in younger bloggers is the frequent use of the word "cougar" to describe a woman over the age of, say, 35.  And what really stands out is that these women are rarely portrayed in a positive light.  I would also like to add that most of the young authors of these posts have neither a real command of their language, nor the correct spelling of the most basic words.  You know the ones.  Every once in a while I comment, correct their spelling and grammar, and sign myself as "cougar mama."  I'm just so helpful like that.  And a little cranky. It's that whole estrogen thing.

So there, my friends, is the story of a cougar and her younger date, the ex-husband of a "built" Pam Anderson.  Just be thankful I didn't tell you about all the pictures he showed her of his truck.  I am not kidding. Oh, and he allowed himself one more sip of wine at dinner, but didn't want to have the whole glass because of the calorie content.  I think Donald might still be available.

April Wishes

No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.

                                               --William Shakespeare

My Babies are Growing Way Too Fast

I know I added a word, so it's now my 7 word Mantra.

Yesterday was a busy day for the Mental Mama. First, there

was Ring Day for the Baby Bird. It seems like yesterday that we were learning how to tie our shoes, and here we are on the brink of launching. I am intellectually very clear and totally on board with all this progress nonsense. But in my heart? Still a little bit shaky.

Anyway, we are very blessed to have a wonderful school near us which The Bird has been attending since her Freshman year. The traditions here are beautiful, moving, and for the MP Mama, always a little bit tearful. Ring Day was no exception. But I am so very proud of The Bird, and so excited for her future, that I managed to pull myself together...

I also met with her college guidance counselors, and we had a great discussion where I also informed them that the school needs to be big enough for the two of us. Because I am still planning on going, too. They thought that was funny. But they don't know. I am going.

Here are some of the Ring Day Babies. *sigh

Later, we had to get Augie all dressed up for his first prom of the season. *sigh

He thought the Yankee hat was a nice touch.

I made him stand in front of his baby portrait.

He obliged me.

He is such a good boy...

And I've often warned him about his goofy faces.

Sorry Augie, I told you so.

But I do love you so very much.

Original Memoir Meme

Because my 6-word memoir was so horribly interrupted by that mess on I-95, I will now present my original one:

Good friends and chardonnay go together. 

(if you know me at all this is a given)

and then I came up with:

A smile is always in style.

(Teenager encouragement, and a good reminder for all)

then this one followed:

My babies are growing too fast.

.

Timely

A few days ago, the Snooty Primadonna tagged me for this meme.  I have been busy creating all these 6-word zingers in my little head, and then there was yesterday....

First, the business of the rules:

1) Write your own six word memoir;
2) Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like;
3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere;
4) Tag at least five more blogs with links; and
5) Don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

Now back to yesterday.  I was out running errands in town, and decided to go to Costco to get some pansies and some Advil.  Quite the combo, no?  Anyway, in order to get to Costco and back home on a timely basis, I have to get on the highway.  So, I stopped by the house because I didn't have my phone with me, and I don't like to be on  #@*#@? Interstate 95 without any help.  The place is a deathtrap.

Costco was nice and quiet, and I got some beautiful pansies, Advil and a few extras...you know how it is in those places.  At least I didn't get the jumbo cooler on wheels that I was eyeballing.

But that's a story for another time...

My 6-word memoir:

The Universe works in mysterious ways.

A chain-reaction mess, and I was the rear-ender.  Luckily everyone is fine.  The pansies were a little shaken up, and the Advil rattled, but all is well. The phone, by the way, came in very handy. (I took this picture with it, too!) Since I am going to be busy today getting a loaner car and retrieving more of my stuff out of the car which had to be TOWED to the shop, no tagging--anyone can play along.  A six word memoir is fun. What's yours?

Angel

A friend gave me this angel several years ago, and she is the first thing I see when I sit at my desk in the morning.  The amount of comfort I get from this little ornament is probably unhealthy.  

But I don't care. 

UPDATE: Annie's MIL Mimi left us today.  Please let all the wonderful angels help her along her way.  Godspeed beautiful Grace B., we love you very much.

Taxes?

What taxes?  

Asthmagirl asked me yesterday how my taxes were going.  And, well, it's not so good here in Mental Land.  I have done nothing.  Nothing.  And the worst part is that I don't seem to give a crap.

I did think about it for a little while last night, but Two and a Half Men was on, and I was tired. Tomorrow would be the day, I said to myself.  Yes sir.  So here's my day today:  grocery store, gym, laundry, allergy shot, laundry, bills, bank and laundry.  And to add insult to injury, there is a Woot-Off today over at Woot. 

I visit Woot every morning, and you should put it on your list if you don't know about it already.  Usually, they sell one thing each day, and no matter what they have that day, the shipping is only $5.  On Woot-Off days, as soon as an item sells out, they put up another.  The kicker today is that because today is April Fool's day, they are selling the same thing over and over.   And it seems that every once in a while, they throw in a Bag Of Crap.  A BOC can be anything, and they are $.99 each.  They have several things in each one, and some people have reported a 61" television in theirs!  If you are lucky enough to click on a BOC fast enough, you should order 3 of them. That's the maximum you can order in one click.  I got a BOC click once. Mine was really crap, though.  But I can't tell you how much fun it was waiting for the package to arrive!  It can be a fun way to spend an entire day.  You should check it out.

So, um, the taxes?  Tomorrow.  Tomorrow will be the day.  Somebody just needs to remind me.