Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
- I am not admitting how many times this month I have aimed the phone at the television and cussed when the channel didn't change.
- I stopped watching the stock market three weeks ago.
- I happily wrote a check for $50 To The Connecticut Foodbank. Thanks to everyone who commented (all 42 of you...I rounded up).
- My inability to suffer fools increases daily.
- Have you noticed how many fools there are these days?
- Should I do the Mental P Mama Book Club, and how would it work?
- I don't think I can wait until this election is over. Campaign Fatigue.
- I am craving a new puppy. Wonder if it's hormonal?
- Did anyone ever see the movie, The Abominable Dr. Phibes? Best Horror movie ever. I actually saw it in a theater. Pronounced "thee-ater" at the time.
- Everyone should make Dlyn's Apple Cheese Crisp tonight. It's that good.
- Tonight is Mischief Night. Hmmm.
- I have had the song "Everybody Wang Chung Tonight" stuck in my head for what seems like weeks.
Monday, October 27, 2008
And as a reminder, my friend Mimi just sent this to me....
Here is what Jeff Foxworthy
has to say about New Englanders...
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September thr ough May, you live in
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in
If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of
If you measure distance in hours, you live in
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in
If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you live in
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you live in
If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in New England
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in New England.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in
If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in
If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
So, I'm just sitting around, minding my own business.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Where is your cell phone? No idea
Where is your significant other? Sofa
Your hair color? Mixed
Your mother? Dead
Your father? Ditto
Your favorite thing? Family
Your dream last night? Talking Dog
Your dream/goal? Health
The room you’re in? Annie's Kitchen
Your hobby? Blogs
Your fear? Weakness
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Right here
Where were you last night? Home
What you’re not? 29
One of your wish-list items? Happy Children
Where you grew up? Franklin
Last thing you did? Took a sip of wine. Duh. With Annie. Duh
What are you wearing? Augie's sweater.
Your TV? Always on.
Your pet? Dog. Cat. Bird.
Your computer? PC and Mac. I'm codependent.
Your mood? Na na na boo boo.
Missing someone? Nope
Your car? Dirty
Something you’re not wearing? Lampshade. Yet.
Favorite store? Neiman's
Your summer? Too short.
Love someone? Yes
Your favorite color? Blue
When is the last time you laughed? 30 seconds ago
Last time you cried? Yesterday
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
UK REVOKES AMERICAN INDEPENDENCE
A Message from Mr. John Cleese updated by Clemency Coggins Professor of Archaeology and Art History Boston University
To the Citizens of the United States of America:
In light of the strong possibility you are about to elect an elderly gentleman with a bad temper and a lady who thinks she can run foreign policy because she can see Russia from her house, as President and President-In-Waiting of the USA and thus to risk Life As We Know It for everyone else on the Planet, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). She won't actually be in charge, but she'll greet foreign leaders as necessary and not put her foot in it or vomit on anyone at dinner.
Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. He will choose someone who does not have his or her hand in the till and has significant experience in running Big Things. You have not had one of them for almost a decade and trust me, it is a big plus.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. They have given away too much of your money already to rescue incompetent business executives and soon your American Dollars will resemble Zimbabwean Dollars in total worthlessness. There is no free lunch you know. Although we originally let you get away with secession because King George was robbing you blind, recent events demonstrate that your present leaders are doing much worse things and unfortunately you have not noticed.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether more than half of you still believe Saddam Hussein was behind 9-11. Information to the contrary will again be provided by the rest of the world and we request you read it this time and refrain from invading the wrong country ever again if you possibly can.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. But we have a lot of Bank Holidays you will enjoy instead.
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $9/US gallon. Get used to it. Your driving armoured cars to buy groceries is unnecessary, boorish and killing the planet.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
11. We will require that people running things, like your government, are at least moderately competent and not related by blood or bribes to those who benefit from their decisions. We know it makes you more cozy when your leaders know as little as you do, but, honestly, it is short sighted: you need doctors who know more about medicine, pilots who know more about flying and leaders who know more about leading.
12. We respectfully request you give up this notion that Politics is Entertainment, and that very complicated things can only be explained to you in less than fifteen seconds. If you wanted to have a democracy, honestly, you'd really need to have taken the time to understand things a bit more before you voted. And may I suggest the startling notion that politicians don't need to look good to do a good job? And it really is acceptable if they are a bit boring, so long as they do their homework. It's especially important if evidently you have not done yours. Poor old Al Gore. Poor old John Kerry. And by the way, are you happy now you chose a Governor for California based on his teeth?
11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.
South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.
12. Hollywood will be required occasi onally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie McDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.
14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first in their country. The six out of ten of you who don't own a passport will need to get one first.
15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). Although this will raise your taxes, remember that the Neoconservatives will no longer be robbing you blind and so your Dollars will stop shrinking. Didn't you know that inflation and government bailouts of huge companies were really paid for by you? We must do something about your educational system. What on earth is going on over there? Are you oblivious to the crushing debt you are leaving your children? You might as well throttle them now.
17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.
God Save the Queen. And we hope God won't instruct your President to invade any more wrong countries.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Today's Aquarius Horoscope:
Oct 15, 2008
Reward yourself with 2 desserts today, dear Aquarius. Take a bubble bath. Share your fantasies with others and express yourself fully. Don't feel like you have to say "yes" to every favor that is asked of you. Save some of that nurturing energy for yourself. Feel free to help out others in need, but don't do it at the expense of your own emotional and physical bank account.