Sunday, August 31, 2008


Take it easy.
There's always tomorrow.

Happy Labor Day!
Love,  Mental P

Saturday, August 30, 2008


Friday, August 29, 2008

Noble Pig: I Have One

With apologies to the real Noble Pig.
I couldn't help myself.

Isn't my friend Petey enjoying his champagne grapes?
Wishing you all a Noble Saturday!


Apologizing in Advance...

I am truly sorry, but I felt the need for a second post today.
"I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, and I'm listening."
What do you think Aretha was saying?
Or does she need to say anything?
Again, I'm sorry.
Not really.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

P Words

Hey, it's not just for Diddy any more, mkay?
What would you choose for my other middle name?


Any more suggestions?

xoxo, Mental Pudgy Mama

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Avert Yer Eyes

MommyPie tagged me.  And so did Asthma Girl.  And because I am a lazy broad,  my post today is MommyPie's 10 Random things.  Just because AG's was long.  And I am so lazy busy. But I will do it, AG.  I promise.

The rules:

“Tell us/me/the world 10 interesting/random/quirky/normal/silly things about yourself … things you’re looking forward to, things about you personally, whatever you want.”

Here we go:

1)  I miss Tim Russert so much; you'd think we had something going on.  By the way, Squazz, we didn't.

2)  I have a tattoo.  Guess where and what it is.  And, if you know me, please don't spoil this.   Thanks.

3)  I sometimes drink Cabernet.  Shocking.  Right?

4)  I have a little crush on Joe Biden.  Maybe not so little.  By the way, when does that old plagiarism scandal rear its little head again? 

5)  My mother loved Joe Biden.  A lot.

6) Her Conservative Republican loving brothers disagreed with her.

7)  Can you tell I'm watching the convention?

8)  I am wondering if I have a favorite child.  People do, you know.  I don't think I do. 

9)  My husband loves his Harley motorcycle.  It is a Fat Boy.

10)   Some days we ride together.

11)  Some days I stay home.

A Survey

I might want to rethink this hat.  Thoughts?

Are you all sure these shoes don't make my butt look big?  I think I look a little saggy.  You? Maybe I should get a new bathing suit..........

Monday, August 25, 2008

Monday Meltdown

Just like some some of you out there in the blogosphere, I feel a need to keep things real here.  In that vein, I'm going to share the day I had yesterday.  Just to keep things real.  So here we go:
  • Wake up with no voice.  Whatsoever.
  • The combination of the party on Saturday, girls' drinking swimming party yesterday, and my dang asthma have rendered me unfit for any form of human contact.
  • Immediately decide to linger in bed for a bit.
  • Lie Giggle to husband when he calls from golf course and asks what I'm doing.  "Working."
  • Drink lots of tea.
  • Decide to remain in pj's.
  • Eat egg whites.
  • And twenty minutes later, a toasted bagel with butter. (Fiber One!)
  • Actually sit at computer and blog work.  For a bit.
  • Do some laundry.
  • Go to kitchen, open fridge and eat about 4 cups of Cape Cod Chicken Salad from Costco.
  • Feel very full for about 3 hours.
  • And a little sick.
  • Rest while watching Lifetime movie about bad neighbors.
  • Make HUGE mistake and answer phone.  Annie.  She wants to go to Weight Watchers' meeting.
  • Do more laundry.
  • Giggle more when husband calls.  Sorry, Gloria.
  • Take shower, shave legs--less weight.  Do not apply any lotion because of ounce factor: It might impact my weight.
  • Go to Weight Watchers weigh-in.  Have officially gained 7, SEVEN, pounds since joining.
  • Come home with Annie and drink some wine.
  • Eat a small salad.
  • Take diuretic.
  • Finally put lotion on itchy legs.
  • Good night peeps.

Paging Dr. Freud

I have dream issues.  Well, they really aren't issues, because they are almost as predictable as the tides.

First, there are the airplane dreams.  I have those when I am feeling tied down and anxious.  I am always on a plane that cannot gain any altitude.  I'm not scared, we just skim along, turning sideways between buildings and flying under bridges.  Then we finally get wherever it was we were going.  Sometimes I am even the pilot.  And there have been a few flights where I have sat out on the wings.  I may need some help analyzing those.

Then there are the dreams with my mother.  She has been gone almost seven years, but we have many long talks in my dreams.  A lot of times we are shopping together.  Sometimes we are cooking.  But I alawys wake up feeling a little bit of support and validation.  I love these dreams.

This brings me to my dream last week.  I was on a business trip.  And I had to stay in a variety of rooms which made me very anxious because I couldn't keep up with my computer, phone, chargers, you know, all that stuff...  And when I returned, I returned to my former in-laws' house with a very sick child.  I had to carry him everywhere, I have no ides who he was, but I could hardly walk with this load.  

After I got this strange kid to bed, I visited with all my former family (my ex-husband was one of 9 children) then I went out for a walk.  I stumbled into some sort of a cult meeting of these surfer dude type guys.  They kidnapped me, took a snip of my hair, made me kiss them all, and I had to wear wet boxer shorts that were inside out.

Send help.  I am obviously a mess. Any other weird dreams out there?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Aftermath

Our little party was a success.
See you tomorrow.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Olympic Souvenirs

Get your own Michael Phelps shirt?

Or a nice volleyball butt?
What would you pick?
As if....

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Flower Watch Friday

I love to practice in my garden.
I do different things every year with my little waterfall planter.
This year's purple and lavender theme made me happy.

Catmint and daisies are always a pleasing combo.
Squazz and I are co-hosting an engagement party here this weekend.
Our gardens decided to give up the ghost this week;
Just in time for Saturday's festivities.
These were once beautiful pink geraniums and bacopa.
They graced a balcony railing on the front of our house.
I threw them in the yard waste pile yesterday.
This clematis was beautiful.
You just have to take my word for it.
I swear: blooms like saucers.
I had to cut it back yesterday.
And this?
This is the waterfall today.
It was as if every bloom just gave up and vanished overnight.
Oh wait.
Here we go.
They'll probably be gone by the end of today.
To petunia heaven.
The roses?
I may get another round of blooms out of them yet.
But not by Saturday.
At least we have these happy guys.
And the sunflowers are always good.
Maybe nobody will notice the lack of blooms around here.
I hate to go get mums this early in the season.
But I may have no choice.
Well, we always have these festive visuals.

Am I the only one out there suffering from a dearth of flowers this year?
Maybe they are in Mental Pause too.
Like Mama, like flower?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Gourmand

The Scene: Mama and son putting hotdogs and burgers (2 of each) on the grill for said son's little snack.

Mama:  Do you want me to slice some tomatoes and a vidalia onion for you?
Augie: No thanks.
Mama:  Do you want to toast these buns?
Augie: No thanks.
Mama:  Do you need me to help you with this anymore?
Augie:  No thanks.  I just wish we had all the stuff that makes them taste like the ones at Wal-Mart.  They have the best burgers and dogs.
Mama:  Wal-Mart?  They have a restaurant? You go there to eat? What makes them so good?
Augie:  I dunno...their food is the best.
Mama:  ~~~

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

This n That Roundup

Some of my pitiful, random thoughts to get you through your busy day to ponder:
  • My husband Squazz hates it when I write about my chin hairs.  And my tweezing activity. What a wuss.
  • I never did figure out what I forgot to do Monday.
  • Because I am a Patriot, and because my mortgage is the biggest bill I have, I am trying out new ways to be frugal.  My major project right now is to see how long I can go between hair highlights.  It's not pretty at the moment, but I'm hoping to make it a few more weeks.
  • Oh, by the way, I totally think John Edwards is that baby's daddy.
  • I have taken an odd shine to my Squazz's boxer shorts.  I like to wear them.  A lot.
  • The above may or may not have to do with my new Mental P Belly.
  • Since I joined Weight Watchers seven weeks ago, I have a net gain of three pounds.
  • I am still hopelessly addicted to that show Tori and Dean on Oxygen.
  • I have made $7.64 in laundry room tips this week.
  • TWEEZER.  Sorry Squazz, I couldn't resist.
What random thought is going to sustain YOU today?

Laws of Attraction

There may be one or two of you out there who remember my good friend Lucia and her dating stories.  This one in particular is sure to go down in the annals of time as one of the Worst Dates Ever.  Well, I am happy to tell you that there is a nice, new man in her life.  He is a kind, thoughtful, successful, generous, and compassionate gentleman.  Cupid has hit his target, and he's completely gaga over her.  And Lucia?  Well, she is just not so sure....

I'd like to strangle her, but I actually understand.  If there's no spark, then there's no spark.  Why do women like the bad boys so much? The drama?  The excitement? Lord knows I have had my fair share as well.

When I was in college, my mother had a wealthy suitor with similar qualities as Lucia's new man.  And my mother had no interest.  At all.  I remember one day talking to my brother about it, and I said,  "You know, T, you'd think for a hundred million dollars she could muster up some kind of feelings for the guy.  I mean, really, what is wrong with her?"  My brother responded without skipping a beat, "For a hundred million dollars, I could call him Daddy."

I still have hopes for Lucia and her new friend.  She deserves a nice man in her life.  The bad boys have taken up waaaay too much space and time.  Any bad boy experiences out there?

Monday, August 18, 2008

Guess Who!

One of my favorite childhood shows was Gilligan's Island.
Remember Ginger?
  Tina Louise.
She's 74.
I'm sure she's had some work done, but I think she looks fantastic.

Head Scratching

Have you ever felt like there was something big about a date, but you have no idea what it is?  Well I have that feeling today. 
 What on earth could it be? 
 Where did my mind go? 

Sunday, August 17, 2008


The best fertilizer is the gardener's shadow.

Friday, August 15, 2008

The Pond

Wonder what happened to these guys?
I sometimes think about them at night.
And hope they are cozy and safe.
And pooping somewhere else.
This is what the duck pond looks like today.
I am having some friends over for an adult swim.
And maybe an adult beverage.
Or two.
Happy Saturday everybody.
If you're in the neighborhood,
please drop by.
I'll be the one in the moomoo.

Decisions, Decisions...

This is Mama's desk at 5 PM.
The magnifying mirror is in case I find something new to tweeze.
The wine?  Well you should know me by now.
The iced tea?  Should I have that instead?
What should Mama do?

This is Mama's desk at 5:30 PM.
Decision made.
Happy weekend everybody!

Thursday, August 14, 2008


After yesterday's post, I feel like I need to answer a few burning questions.
  • My menopot is that fatty area that starts right below the bustline and extends to just above the kneecaps.  If you were one of those who had to ask me, then you must know that I hate you.
  • I used to get allergy shots twice a week, and now I only have to go every three or four weeks.  They are really helping me.
  • I was able to get home last night to my magnifying mirror and become one with my tweezers.  It felt so good.
  • I slept like a lamb in my nice bed.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

The Bird and I are in Virginia where she had an interview at a school where I really want to go to she hopes to be accepted next year.  We almost missed our flight because of a family in the security line.  I'm not kidding.  Each one of them must have had to go through the metal detector at least 20 times.  And they left all their bags back at the counter and had to start all over.  You may or may not be surprised to know that I cussed under my breath.  And out loud.  It made everything so much better.

Birdy's interview went well, and she had a nice time with the admission folks.  I am really proud of her, and have made no secret the fact that my vicarious life revolves around a good deal of her own activities and accomplishments.

Now for the Mental Mama part:  One of the major mid-life issues I have had to face is adult-onset asthma.  It is horrid.  I started getting weekly shots last year, and will continue for another 4 years.

These shots have made a huge difference in my life already.  And I'm waiting for my doctor to determine that I'm allergic to my menopot, and find some way to eradicate that.  But that's another story.  One sad new problem is that I am basically allergic to all hotel rooms.  It is not pretty.  And sleeping away from my now pristine bed at home is almost impossible.  But last night, I was able to steal a little sleep, and I had the oddest dream.

I dreamt about tweezing.  That should really come as no surprise since a great deal of my waking hours are now spent in the searching and feeling for new razor-like wires little dainty hairs to tweeze.  But, here's the kicker:  I had an assistant to help tweeze me.  Gah.

I will be back in my own bed tonight.  God willing.

Monday, August 11, 2008

In Thing Two's Laundry Basket

I promise he has actual shoes.
With actual soles.
I won't even ask you to imagine the smell.
That's it.
Thing One and I are outta here.
For two blissful days.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

The Dog Days of August

Last week, Country Girl Kate waxed poetically about her fantastic dog George.  I must admit to having a little crush on him myself.  And if you've ever visited Pioneer Woman, you know all about her dogs.  I am still sad about Nell.  Let's not forget Dooce and her awesome Chuck and dog-in-training Coco.  Asthmagirl has her Brute Squad.  Hallie has her own Wonderful World of Weiners.  Dlyn has Riley who may win the most photogenic dog out there.

Well folks, I have Dora.
Let's look at her style.
Her poise.
She how graceful she is under her mommy's desk.
She doesn't look too worried about that mean storm outside.
Nope.  She's just fine.
Thank you very much.
Do any of you have pets with such raw talent?
I ask you:  Isn't she amazing?

Flower Duty

Yesterday was my turn in the flower rotation at my church.
I managed to talk Annie into helping me.
And apart from a broken vase,
I think we did a darn good job!
Have a wonderful Sunday!
I am off to church where I sit will sit,
and critique the job.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Bloom Where You're Planted

I smile every time I drive by this sunflower.
Wishing you smiles this Saturday.


Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria.
Sans makeup.
Don't you feel all better now?
Now get out there and have a great weekend.


Did you know that there is a very good chance that there are baby bunnies everywhere in your yard?
A few weeks ago, Dora found a nest full of them.
And she played with them.
A lot.
We were able to save one.
And he was finally well and big enough to leave last week.
This is his mommy.

Because cottontails are born with a "sterile gut," it is almost impossible for them to survive without their mother's milk.  When I called the wildlife rescue people, they told me the best thing we could do was replace the remaining alive baby rabbits in their little spot, and re-cover them with the grass and hair that the mother placed on top of them.  The mother comes back to her babies at sundown to nurse them, and leaves again in the morning.  With odds like these, it is no wonder at all to me now why rabbits are known for their fertility.  I cannot imagine baby bunny mortality rates.

I hope we don't find any more of these little bunny nurseries.  I don't think I can take it again.

Okay, as you were, the science class is over for today...

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Low Tolerance Thursday

...Or, a few things I am tired of hearing and thinking about this morning:
  • Brett Favre
  • The 7 super foods
  • The Olympics
  • Oil
  • The weather
  • Hillary
  • Jennifer Anniston
  • Airline fees
  • What's for dinner
  • How rich Oprah is
  • My meno-pot
Maybe it's the dog days of summer.  Maybe it's just me.  Are any of you feeling the same?  Please tell me that I have some company in my little cranky world.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Domestic Diva

Welcome to the Mental Laundry Room.
It is your basic domestic destination.
This vista greeted me yesterday when I entered with the 
9,459,767th load of the week.

Let's look a little closer.
I wondered what happened to that glass....

And may go some way in explaining this mystery.
At least Augie leaves me some tips.
And some chap stick.
Nice things to fish out of the dryer.
Not so much.
Maybe this college thing is gonna be good....

Roadtrip Souvenirs

Mama's got some new kicks!

And I'm going to hug them, and love them and never let them go.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Taking Stock

Starting a new week.
Making my to-do list.
The short list.

Get up earlier.
Drink coffee out of new favorite cup.
I miss those darn cows.
Smile more.
Thanks, Flea;)
Stay off I-95 as much as possible.
Garden more.
Enjoy the garden more.
Take time to enjoy the sunsets.
And the promise of more tomorrows.
What's on your short list?