Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Martha and her husband Sal have been married for over 30 years, and my friend Cheri and I believe that is all due to the fact that Martha is such a good sport. We have decided that their secret to happiness is that Martha doesn't sass him. Now, Sal will try his best to disagree with this theory. But it really doesn't hold any water for me. I have seen her in action. Never, ever sassing. Ever. I'm not kidding. Even when the situation really warrants a good verbal assault, Martha will sit and smile. She inspires me to be less sassful; is that a word? I think the world would be a lot more peaceful if there were more Marthas out there. Isn't that right, Sal?
Happy Birthday Week, Martha! You're the best!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Her Eminence the Very Viscountess Lauren the Inexorable of Pigotts Sty
I don't have any idea what this means, but I just know in my soul that it is correct.
With thanks to Lynne!
A few weeks ago, Jules launched a junk drawer contest and I gleefully submitted a picture of my junk area. I was sure I had everyone else beat, even going so far as to tell a few folks not to bother submitting a photo.
I had absolutely no idea that the actual winning photo was lurking elsewhere in this house. Yes, these are real photos taken of my baby boy's room. This is the child who refused to go to school through the fourth grade without a button-down shirt and creased khakis. Where did that baby go?
In other news, that 10-ton spy satellite is still heading our way. Just call me chicken little.
Monday, January 28, 2008
My oh my how the times they are a changin'. I'm off to my new primary care physician, Dr. N. the dermatologist. Just a little procedure. A little tweaking. A little pick-me-up. And this time, I'm not even embarrassed about it. Really.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Short trips in your neighborhood may be rendered nearly impossible today by factors above and beyond your control, such as traffic, construction, or both, dear Aquarius. If you have errands to run, put them off. (What's this...permission to procrastinate? From the stars no less?) Or if you can, walk or ride a bicycle to run them. (And aggravate my rosacea? You have to be kidding me.) If you must go in the car, however, make sure you have your favorite music with you so you can do something while waiting in traffic. Otherwise you'll go crazy with boredom. (I don't think so. I cannot get any crazier. Right?)
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
I also believe deep in my soul that we need a new rescue dog. I got a grip on myself after last year's commercials with the shelter dogs. Especially this one. However, a funny thing happened in the blog-o-sphere right after the holidays. It started with The Pioneer Woman, arrrgh. And then, Dooce did me completely in with Coco. I can't stop looking at these puppies. I need to have them.
Doesn't Dora need a sibling? Let's hear it....
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Well, let's just say the end result wasn't exactly how I had earlier envisioned things as I primped away. In a full sweat mind you. I am shocked and humbled because my new license picture features my regular face--with jowls. There. I said it, and now I need to go lie down.
Me: Hi Augie, how was SAT class?
Me: Are you okay, you sound upset?
Augie: No, I'm fine, I hafta go.
Me: Is Bird nearby?
Me: Hi Bird, how was SAT class?
Bird: Good, I have to go study. Bye
Me: Wait, wait--did you learn anything?
Bird: Of course, why would I even go? Hmph.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
And there's that horrible month when my daughter Birdy went to camp one summer--I don't know what year it was because I've blocked it out. It got to the point where people would avoid asking me if I'd heard from her because all I could do was cry.
We had "College Night" at Birdy's school last night for parents and daughters. I'm sure she was terrified that I'd ask some hideously embarassing question. I could feel her twitching away next to me; in the nice front row seats I had selected. I don't know why she has this anxiety. I would never do anything embarassing. Ever.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Is it hot in here?
Monday, January 21, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
But the thing about Dr. Northrup is that she makes me believe that I can manage myself. So I believe I'll give her advice another shot. Yessiree, it's low glycemic foods, vitamin D, chi gong and some acupuncture for me, and I'll be all fixed up. At least for a while. But I think I'll wait until after my surprise party. I don't want my friends to have to celebrate without me. I'm just nice that way.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Here's a taste of what I have to endure:
John, Andrew and Anthony are all great trainers at my gym. They always seem to have a lot of fun with their clients. Giggling through all their routines, smiling and chatting with everyone around them. I am always so envious. Forever looking longingly across the floor at all the happy people. Why am I so jealous, you ask? Well, it's all because I get to spend my time with Lucia.
Just look at her. Have you ever seen such a menacing person in your life? She makes me do things I don't like to do. Lunges, squats, crunches, and all kinds of other weird things with weights and bars. And I am always such a good sport. Never moaning, complaining or making faces. Nope, I silently and obediently do everything she comes up with. Everything. You'd think I'd look like Gisele Bundchen. But I don't. Although I do take some solace in the fact that Gisele has probably not entered into the mental pausal years yet.
Anyway, when I am not sweating away with all the torture--I mean exercise--that Lucia has created for me, I like to keep my eye on the clock. Just because you never know how fast that hour is going to go. And then I get to start my cardio time. It doesn't look like it's going to get any easier either. But if anyone hears of a new magic pill without any embarassing side effects, please pass the information along.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
As she was concluding her trip down memory lane, she mentioned Petticoat Junction. I loved Petticoat Junction. Especially the beginning when they were swimming in the water tower, and they grabbed their clothes. Oh, I wanted to be there. And I really wanted Aunt Kate to make me some fried chicken and iced tea. Not to mention the fact that Oliver and Lisa Douglas lived just down the road...
In honor of that fine television-viewing era gone by, here are some shows that I think the networks should bring back during the writers' strike. We could all use a little dose of these classics:
- Big Valley
- Mod Squad
- Peyton Place
- Mission Impossible
- Get Smart
- Twilight Zone
- The Sonny and Cher Hour
This would be a nice start. Suggestions?
Monday, January 14, 2008
I don't have a junk drawer. I emptied those long ago. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you (drumroll please):
my junk area.
It takes up a whole corner of our master bedroom (approx. 12 sq. ft.), and it's enough to make any momma proud.
On a lighter note, we were supposed to have a foot of snow last night. I spent a good portion of the day yesterday in a dreamy preparation for a snow day. We got a dusting. I'm still taking a snow day though, and I think I'll start by cancelling my appointment at the gym.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
We had a delicious lunch. Nice, crisp chardonnay, french fries, soup, smoked salmon, sandwiches, chardonnay, another order of french fries. You get the picture. Jules' six-year-old Connor (also in attendance, and feasting on a shirley temple with an ice cream entree) suggested matter-of-factly that we should write a blog about chardonnay. We raise smart kids here in Cocktail Corner.
Annie is all about her New Year's Weight Watchers membership. She asked for extra creme fraiche with her salmon. I'm just saying. She is so inspirational that I actually went online Thursday morning to sign up at Weight Watcher's, too. By noon, I had already gone back and cancelled my membership. Way too much work, and I don't like creme fraiche if that's what you have to eat.
We won't go into my intake, because I can't remember it all. But, to make amends, I am off for a brisk walk. And I have to get a pork shoulder going. We're supposed to have some snow tonight, and we need to get our strength up in case we need to shovel.
Friday, January 11, 2008
You are a born romantic by nature, dear Aquarius, but today you're likely to think more in terms of physical passion than idealized romance. You're likely to be especially concerned with your appearance, and might want to go for a salon treatment or to buy some new clothes. The colors blue and lavender might seem especially appealing right now - but don't forget to add some red for passion! Phone up your romantic interest and have fun tonight!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Even uglier is the fact that after 4 days of being really good, and losing two whole pounds, is that we had our bridge game/get together last night. Apparently, I am incapable of playing bridge without consuming vats of potato chips, dip, pretzels and wine. All this, mind you, before DINNER and RUM CAKE. Thank you very much.
The good news is that I came in second place and won five dollars. We are playing again in two weeks. God help me.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
- Brushing my teeth
- Getting dressed
- Reading emails
Things that make me need another shower:
- Folding laundry
- Walking to the mailbox
- Giving the cat her medicine
This was just yesterday. You'd think I would lose up to five pounds a day with all this. But I don't.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Like, what about my becoming incapacitated during this crucial "middle" phase? I mean, I have never had so many 'interesting' things going on with my body since puberty. And I sometimes think that era may have been easier in some ways.
Crucial items I will put into my "Mental Pause Clause" section of my Will, should my attorney allow it:
- Eye Cream must be applied daily, or my skin will fall off.
- Same goes with Vitamin C serum and moisturizer.
- Exfoliate once a week, or I will become unrecognizable.
- Extra strength deoderant. 'Nough said.
- Tweezer time as needed. Usually twice a day. Maybe more.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Today, I had two new spots removed for biopsy. One on my face, and one on my leg. Last year at this time, I had a pre-cancerous growth removed from my leg. I now have a divot and scar the size of a large grape on my left leg. Pretty.
If you are anywhere on the life track near me, do you remember those glory days of baby oil and iodine? Remember those Spring Breaks where we all glistened and smelled sweetly of coconuts? I do. And how good we looked in our white sundresses with those tans? I do. Unfortunately, I have had a hard time losing the "tan = pretty" mentality; even in my forties. And now I get to visit my good friend Dr. N on a regular basis.
Wear your sunscreen! Tie all family members down and slather it on them, too. It is one of the easiest, healthy things you can do for yourself. Really. Our moms were right. Gah.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Go ahead, try not to salivate over that! I triple dog dare you. Maybe if I jog to the store to get some more cream of tartar it will be a net/net. Thoughts?
UPDATE: The new garage door motors are installed; the installers survived the ordeal, and I am in love with those new motors...so very quiet. It is a sad state of affairs that what gets me going these days is garage door motors, but so be it.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Well, here they are, and surer than sugar, I've already been out there twice asking them if they need any coffee or mittens.
I really do have issues. Last year, my good friend Ann informed me in no uncertain terms that the second half of her life was going to be a heckofalot different from the first half. We have these chats often because we live in an area known to many as Cocktail Corner, and we tend to have cocktails here in our neighborhood. And since I intend to keep things real here at Mental Pause Central, we often have a lot of cocktails. More on this at a later date.
In the meantime, someone please stop me. I think I need to find more to do today and for the second half of my life; those guys in my driveway are starting to look scared. I'm serious.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Even still, I have now lived in the New England 'burbs for 25 years, and you'd think I'd be accustomed to the people who just don't give a crap about anyone else. But I can't get over it. I can't get over the four men today who let the doors of the pharmacy, the bookstore and the grocery store SLAM in my face; AND MY HANDS WERE FULL. Yes, I know I'm shouting, but didn't their mommas teach them anything? Where's the love people?
Phew, is it hot in here?
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Oh dear Lord, what lies ahead for me?
Must. Not. Sneeze.